Solemnity of Christ the King

A person who governs his passions is master of the world.  We must either rule them or be ruled by them.  It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
~St. Dominic


Passions.  I am a person of passions.  I am never half way in.  It is all or nothing with me.  This week has been up and down and I have struggled with my heart.

I am barely a month away from the second anniversary of Michael's death.  Some have said to me that the second year must be easier.  It isn't.  The loss though not as fresh is just as painful.  My life is still morphing into a life without his physical presence.  I still look to him and for him.

I was also distressed by a couple that I know that posted on Facebook that though they were Catholic they are now Christians and have just been baptized into a non-denominational church.  Are they unaware that Catholics are Christians? Are they unaware that they have been Baptized and need no other?  It broke my heart.

There was the post by a family member that stated: My name is ---------- and I am openly secular. I am kind, moral, and good, not because I need the fear of divine punishment or the promise of a divine reward, but because it is the right thing to do. I am good without god! If you are not ashamed put your name in place of mine and make it your status. 

What broke my heart was the sentence; " I am good without god!"  I ,for my part,am NOT good without God? I do not know where I would be without Him.

Then Sunday came.  Today we celebrate the Solemnity of Christ the King and accept the catechumens from the Rite of Christian Initiation.  There they were with their sponsors ready to make it publicly known  that they wished to join us in fellowship and become Catholics.  It made my heart soar!  The good God had reminded me that there are still people seeking Him.  My job is to assist them in whatever way I can.  My job is to be Christ-like.  My obligation is to proclaim loudly that, JESUS CHRIST IS KING OF MY HEART AND OF THE UNIVERSE.

Dear King and Savior,
Look on us with Mercy.

Help me to be the person You wish me to be.
Give me strength when I am put to the test.

May my proclamation of faith be not only on my lips,
but in my actions, for they speak the loudest.

~Cindy

Suffering

For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever."
~St. Therese of Lisieux


There has been so much suffering in the world from the beginning of the world.  Recently we have the terrorists that bomb cities and shoot people and try to cripple us.  Everyday there is some family who is struck by tragedy.

I have been following a country music couple that I had never heard of before. The wife was diagnosed with cancer and has enter Hospice Care.  They have a 20 month old baby.  Much is being written about her valiant struggle and their hope that there will be others who can learn from her suffering.  As Joey moves into Hospice Care they are still hoping for a miracle.

A miracle.  We all hope for a miracle.  The miracle that we hope for is one based on our own wants, needs, and desires.  We struggle mightily to see the wisdom of God's Will.  Yet, it is how we face our suffering that makes all the difference in the world.

If we can abandon ourselves to enduring suffering with Joy then we have not suffered in vain.  Just today I spoke with my Prayer Partner and she reminded me that another friend is facing the first year anniversary of her partners death.  She is dreading the anniversary and doesn't know what to do.

My Prayer Partner recently lost a good friend and is struggling with the loss.  It seems so unnecessary that her friend died.  We wonder if things could have been done differently and then perhaps a different outcome.  God has a way of doing things in His own Time and in His own Way.  We struggle and He answers that He knows best and we may not be able to see the wisdom of His Way.

Jesus suffered so much in the Garden of Gethsemane that He sweated blood.  He asked His Father to take the cup, but in the end He accepted His Father's Will and drank the cup to the bitter dregs.

Miracles come in God's Way, not ours.

Lord,
how painful it must be to see your world in such distress.
Help us to look past our fear and respond with Joy to our suffering and loss.

Help us to not let our fear make us stumble on the path to faith and acceptance.
Help us to embrace the Year of Mercy that is approaching with an open heart and mind.

~Cindy

Happy Birthday Michael

We have loved him dearly in life. Let us not abandon him until we have conducted him by our prayers into the house of the Lord.
~St. Ambrose


Today would be the celebration of your earthly birthday.  Though we would have waited until the third for the party.  So that we could celebrate our birthdays together.  All the years that we were together the 3rd of November became our joint celebration.  Our birthdays became so melded that at times it was difficult to remember that yours was the 2nd and mine the 4th.

Burnt Sugar Cake for you and pumpkin pie for me.  No candles too dangerous in the later years. How I wish you were here to celebrate, but you are not and I am sad.  Sad for me.  I know that you are in such a better place and your earthly suffering is over.

I miss you calling me Cinders, asking what the plan is for the day, and just sitting next to me.  I just wanted you to know that I am keeping my promise to you.  Happy Birthday!

Lord, you know
the depth of my grief.
I thank you for it.
For in this valley of tears
Are the lessons of;
Trust, Abandonment, and Obedience.
Your Will, not mine.

~Cindy

Anger, the Priest and the Penguin

It is better not to allow anger, however just and reasonable, to enter at all, than to admit it in ever so slight a degree; once admitted, it will not be easily expelled, for, though at first but a small plant, it will immediately grow into a large tree.  ~St. Augustine


As I was driving to Mass this morning my mind began to wander.  It wandered back to an event this week that happened at Church.  I was upset by the way I saw two parishioner acting toward each other.  The behavior was hurtful especially to one.  So as I drove, I started to get angry about it.  Then I thought about St. Therese and how she struggled with frustration and being easily angered.  So I quickly asked for her intercession.  I was able to calm down and by the time I reached Church I was in a better frame of mind.


Then Fr. Charlie read the Gospel and explained it.  I think Father was reading my mind again.  Bartimaeus, a blind man sitting on the side of the road hears that Jesus is passing by.  Bartimaeus begins to cry out to Jesus.  Even with all the noise of the crowd Jesus hears him.  Many in the crowd, including the disciples rebuke Bartimaeus to be quiet.  They are angry that Bartimaeus is calling out. Jesus though asks that he come to Him.

Father reminded me that even though the disciples were with Jesus they didn't always get the message.  They, like me, were following but not completely understanding the message.  Father reminded us that we shouldn't let our anger or frustration with others keep us from living the Gospel. It is in our actions that we must be most Christ-like.  Actions, that word comes up a lot. How easy it is to say you are a Christian, to post it on your Facebook Timeline, and tweet it on Twitter. Empty; full of sound and fury, but nothing without ACTIONS.

So by now I am sure you are wondering why Father had his penguin with him today.  He was a prop for the beginning of Father's sermon.  In 1957 Father Charlie's father was bringing him a live penguin from an expedition.  The penguin died on the ship and was stuffed.  Father Charlie has had him ever since.  How can you not love a priest that begins with a penguin and ends with a call to live the Gospel not just hear the words.

Lord, here I am
sitting in my own frustration.
Forgetting to be charitable.

Thank you for the people that you put in my life,
who remind, who guide, and who make me smile.

~Cindy

A Bad Case of "The Gimme, Gimme Wants"

When the soul is troubled, lonely and darkened, then it turns easily to the outer comfort and to the empty enjoyments of the world.
~St. Francis of Assisi

When Michael was alive he wanted a car with a start button.  I told him we didn't need a new car. Now I want a new car.  Not just any car, but the car that I test drove in Tucson.  It was a thing of beauty.  All the bells and whistles!

Even after carefully looking at my finances, it was clear that I could do it, but it would put a bit of squeeze on me.  There would be no room for the unexpected. There would be no money for travel!

With help I was able to walk away.  Tho, I dreamed of that car. In my dreams I drove and drove and it was wonderful.  So I looked at the numbers again.  The same result.  I did call my parents and was hoping against hope that I would find support there for the purchase. I think Dad wanted to say yes as he has the new car bug too, but then we let Mom enter the conversation.  She was resolute in her firm denial of my purchase.  Then she gave me some good solid financial advice to follow so that this time next year I would be in a better position to buy the car.

God is like that.  He lets us want "things" and lets us figure out if it is a good idea or not.  He provides His Mother, Our Mother to go to in times of trouble and confusion.  She too has sound advice.

I must admit when I went to the dealership for maintenance I knew I shouldn't look at new cars.  I even told everyone do not let me look.  But I was led into my own temptation.  I saw it, recognized it, and embraced it with all my heart.  Then I was in a pickle, a pickle of my own making.

In the Gospel last Sunday Mark tells us about a man who knelt in front of Jesus and asked, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"  Jesus reminded him of the commandments, to which the man replies that he has kept the commandments all his life.  Then Jesus tells him..."You are lacking in one thing.  Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come follow me."  At that statement the man's face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

There it is, possessions.  They own us. We do not own them. I did not need a new car.  I wanted a new car.

Lord,
I thank you for the people
you place in my life.

Especially for the ones,
who tell me what is difficult to hear.

The ones who remind me of who I
want to become.

The ones who love me for who I am.

~Cindy

Not a Perfect Partner..

"We cannot separate love for God from love for man. We acknowledge God easily, but our brother?  Those with whom we do not identify in his background, education, race, complexion.  We could not have imagined that love for God could be so hard."
 -St. Edith Stein

Todays first reading came from the book of Genesis.  It is the story of God creating woman out of the rib of man.  Father reminded us that God made a suitable partner for man. God did not make a perfect partner for man. This was so that together they would grow in love, understanding and support of each other.

Father related a Sufi Muslim story about two friends, who over coffee discussed why one of them had never married.  The man explained that he had met many women that he thought would be the perfect partner.  Yet, each time he found some fault with them.  He claimed that only once he had met the perfect woman.  "So why did you not marry her?"asked his friend.  His reply, "She was looking for the perfect man."

It brought tears to my eyes.  Michael and I certainly were not perfect partners.  We were in fact suitable partners.  It took us awhile to figure that out.  We spent many years lamenting that our partner was not perfect.  In the end though we looked at each other with new eyes.  Eyes that saw the truth of our suitability and love for each other.  Michael thank you for being my suitable partner.  You taught me so many things.  You were my rock, my number one cheerleader, and my friend.

Lord, again You have
shown me the truth of Your ways.
Help me to see you in each person I met.
Help me to see that their imperfection are only
a reflection of my own imperfection.
~Cindy

Humility

If you should ask me the ways of God, I would tell you that the first is humility, the second is humility, and the third is still humility.  Not that there are no other precepts to give, but if humility does not precede all that we do, our efforts are fruitless. - St. Augustine

All week the concept of humility has been playing in my head like a broken record.  Our Lord it seems has taken many opportunities to humble me.  I wish that I could report that I was grateful, alas, I was chaffed and complained.

Perhaps it was watching Pope Francis in his simplicity and humility that made me look at myself.  The Pope, like my sister has a way of saying hard truths in a gentle way and then quietly guides you to the right path.  Me, I like to take a more direct approach that can be intimidating and irritating and not humble at all.  I have struggled with this all my life.  I like to be right.  I want you to believe that I am right and most of all I want you to do it my way!  This is not to say that I am not without compassion.  I am more like the bull in the china shop.

I have been having a difficult time getting back to my routine.  I am restless and at loose ends.  This is a difficult time of year for my historically.  I struggle with depression and feelings of worthlessness.  I miss Michael more than I can say.  I feel that I am sitting in the pit. Then one of my sons sent this to me:

God found Gideon in a hole.  He found Joseph in prison.  He found Daniel in a lion's den.  He has a curious habit of showing up in the midst of trouble, not the absence. Where the world sees failure, God sees future.  Next time you feel unqualified to be used by God remember this. He tends to recruit from the pit, not the pedestal.

Today Father Michael with his wonderful Irish brogue gave the homily.  He reminded us that we can't wait to the end to get ready for eternal life.  We mustn't think that we are insured because we go to Mass.  We must humble ourselves and be like little children.  We must do all things with humility and in preparation for eternal life.

Lord, here I am,
in the pit.
Help me to trust that You will
lift me up.  Lift me up and use me,
an empty vessel to do Your will,
NOT mine.

~Cindy