If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. —Meister Eckhart

Our pre-Thanksgiving is over and others are still preparing for theirs.

Dad is in Home Hospice and we moved the table into the living room so that we were all in the same room for dinner.  He doesn't come to the table any more.  We reminded each other that it is not what is on the table, but who is around the table.

It is difficult to realize that this is his last Thanksgiving.  We will never have him with us in a physical sense, but he will always be with us.  He will continue to be with us in the shared memories and stories we tell over the years.  A piece of him will live on in each of us in the depths of our hearts.

There is so much to be grateful for this year.  The time we sped together, the laughter and the tears.  It is all a reminder that we are finite beings and our time on this planet is limited.

The care of our Dad is a joyful duty that will never come close to repaying, all that he has given us and continues to give us.

Lord, when I become
lost in my self
help me to remember
that I am simple the vessel
and that You are the Potter.
~Cindy

On The Road

St. Andrew's Catholic Church Murphysboro, IL

I can't believe that I have been on the road for a month and a half.  It has been interesting each Sunday to go to a different church.  Some are friendly and some not so much.  Some are big and some are small.

As I move about I have been also going to cemeteries and churches that my family has attended in the past.  Sadly if there is not a service the church has been locked in all cases.

I stayed in a campground in Wisconsin that had a small chapel.  In the morning when it was quiet and most were still abed I could go there and pray my Rosary.  I almost enjoyed that as much as praying the Rosary under the towering pines in Yellowstone National Park.

There have been times when I have felt Michael with me and missed him tremendously or was doing something that I know he would have loved and felt tears gather in my eyes.

The trip has not been without some tense moments.  I am dealing with a fuel leak and so wish Michael was here to take care of it.  But he isn't.  Though I am not afraid or upset so he must be watching and keeping me calm.

My prayer partner and I are back on schedule and that feels great.  Starting the day praying the Rosary with her and ending each day with our night prayers puts the day in brackets.  Each day is offered up to God.  Each day I ask for His watchful care.  Each day I give thanks for all He does for me.

Lord, I am so grateful.
You have given me the means to take this trip.
You have watched over me and Cynthia every step of the way.
You keep us safe.

Help us to continue under You watchful eye.

Thanksgiving

The body is our cell, and the soul is a hermit who stays within the cell for praying to the Lord and meditating on Him.
    St. Francis of Assisi

I sit here the day before Thanksgiving and can not help but remember last Thanksgiving.  Last year was Michael's last earthly Thanksgiving.  We all knew it and so did he.  It was truly the best Thanksgiving that I think I have ever celebrated.

We were with family.  We had all kinds of contingency plans if Michael couldn't stay for the whole celebration.  But he surprised us all by sitting in the recliner with that sweet smile on his face drinking in everything!

This Thanksgiving marks the last of my firsts.  No more this is the first (fill in the blank) without Michael.  Now I am headed for the first anniversary of his death.  The year has moved faster and slower than I thought it would.  It has been a roller coaster.  I find myself looking forward more than looking back.  I am making plans. Plans to move on and to live my life.

I often talk to Michael and wonder what he is thinking when he sees me struggle with a volt meter setting or using the power screwdriver.  I know that I have given him some good laughs.  But as much as I miss him I KNOW that he is with God.  He is so unconcerned with the earthly mundane things that fill our days.  But I believe that Michael still cares and loves each of us.  My God would not separate us from those that we loved on earth.

So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for many things.  In fact my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

Lord,
I give you thanks for each new day,
for the love and support of family and friends.

I give you thanks for the memories.
I give you thanks for the new plans.
I give you thanks for my faith.

Lord, help me to be the person that you want me to be.
Help me to be a reflection of you to everyone I meet.

~Cindy

Afghans, Quilts, Transfusion, and Prayer

Blessings this past week.  A stranger to me and my husband, a member of my Mom's Bible Study, crocheted an Afghan for him.  It warms him when he is chilled and is a visual reminder of the many gifts that God sends via our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We needed the blessing when we were told that he is anemic and needed a transfusion to help out his bone marrow so that he can continue his chemo therapy.  Yes, it is a normal event when getting chemo, but it still felt like a step back, a bump in the road, a small intake of breath.

Yet as I was sitting with him and the blood that was a gift of another total stranger dripped in to his arm I noticed that his cheeks were getting pink!  It has been a long time since his cheeks have been pink.  A blessing, a gift, and answered prayer.

Sometimes my prayer life is in need of a transfusion.  It is a little rote. I need a little something to put some pink in my cheeks.  Lately it has been in the readings of the Divine Office and the addition of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to my morning prayer time.

A yet again a blessing from a stranger.  I won a quilt from my church.  It was a raffle to purchase gifts for the Christmas stockings for our Troops overseas and for the Warrior and Family Support Center at Fort Sam Houston.  Currently there are over 100 children of Wounded Warriors staying there.  My gift was small.

Lord, you have given me so much this week.  Three gifts and of course the greatest gift, The Holy Eucharist. You lift me up. You let your light shine on me in the darkness.  Thank YOU!

~Cindy

My Grandparents came this morning

I am still riding on the high of being able to receive Holy Communion.  It is like a cloak that has settled on me.  It makes me warm and feel safe all at the same time.

This morning as I was praying the Rosary what I at first thought was a distraction turned in to such Grace!

I was just beginning the 3rd Glorious Mystery when the thought of my grandparents drifted across my mind.  Then this ache started in my heart and spread throughout my chest and then there was a warmness and tears began to fill my eyes and then I could smell them both.  Helen and John were there with me.  I still am tearing up when I think of them.

They had such faith.  My grandpa was gone much to soon from my physical life, but he has always been a guide for me.  Someone that I turn to when in trouble.  He has always comforted me.  Grandma, what can I say?  You who quietly professed your faith.  You went to daily Mass and yes you took me with you even when I was not so excited about going.  But you just kept on with praying your Rosary, attending daily Mass and being a witness to the grace of God.

So what I thought was a distraction turn into another Tender Mercy from my Beloved!

~Cindy

Your sins are forgiven. Go and Sin no more.

Alleluia, Alleluia.

My Beloved has answered my prayers and all the prayers of my family and friends.  As of today Michael and I are home.  We have been welcomed back to the Church!

We made our confessions and received absolution.  And then the longing of my heart was answered and we received Holy Communion!

This is the Body and Blood

My heart actually physically hurts I am so happy.  I have longed for this moment for a very long time.  Now Our Blessed Mother has moved her Son to grant not only that I am in full communion with the Church, but she extended her mercy to Michael.

After 23 years of marriage we said a Rosary in thanksgiving together, both in good standing with the Church.

There really are no words to tell you how wonderful and at peace I am.  I am now carrying my Beloved in my heart.  He has removed all obstacles and made me whole.

Alleluia, Alleluia

~Cindy

A Miracle a Day

Psalm 102

O Lord, listen to my prayer and let my cry for help reach you.
Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress.
Turn your ear towards me
and answer me quickly when I call.

For my days are vanishing like smoke,
my bones burn away like a fire.
My heart is withered like grass.
I forget to eat my bread.
I cry with all my strength
and my skin clings to my bones.

I have become like a pelican in the 
wilderness,
like an owl in desolate places.
I lie awake and I moan
like some lonely bird on a roof.
All day long my foes revile me;
those who hate me use my name as a curse.

The bread I eat is ashes;
my drink is mingled with tears.
In your anger, Lord, and your fury
you have lifted me up and thrown me 
down.
My days are like a passing shadow 
and I wither away like the grass.

And then His Face shone upon me...He gave me a new grand daughter.  A baby always seems like a promise of the future to me.  Thank you Lord, for her safe delivery.

And then His Face shone upon me...He gave us good results on my husbands chemo.

And then His Face shone upon me...The primary results from the Tribunal look positive.

Thank you for your tender mercies....

Cindy~