"You Look Like You Could Use A Boat Ape"

Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
- St. Gregory the Great

There was a time going into the Dry Tortugas during a storm that we almost put the boat on a reef.  Boats from all over were seeking shelter in the small harbor.  By the time that we arrived there was limited space.

Michael was driving the boat and I was at the anchor.  We tried at least five times in the driving rain, wind and swells to anchor the boat.  The anchor would not hold.  The winch that lifted the anchor and the anchor chain was broken.  I had to drop and raise the anchor by hand. Each time they got heavier, yet I had to drop it and lift it back up.  We were exhausted from our efforts.  To make me even more disheartened was that we were with a buddy boat that got in earlier and were anchored.  They offered no help.

Just as we were about to give up a large Samoan came aboard and said, "You look like you could use a boat ape."  With those words he took over the anchoring and his friend guided us to a patch of sand that would hold us.  Incredibly after anchoring us they returned with two thermoses.  One held the best coffee I had ever tasted and the other was full of warm soup.  There was warm bread and cookies in another bag.  They then took our daughter over to one of their boats were they had all their kids watching a Disney movie.

Those strangers sheltered us.  They fed us.  If you haven't been to the Dry Tortugas then you may not be aware that there are NO supplies there, not even water!  They shared what they had with us.  They shared with people that they had never met before.  They were our good Samaritans.

As Lent begins tomorrow  I was reminded of these two families and how they acted towards this boat of strangers.  They were better to us than our "friends".  They were willing to sacrifice from their own supplies.  They offered food, comfort and companionship in a harsh environment.

As I sit in the desert far from the ocean I am reminded of what it means to give, to shelter, and to comfort.

O Lord,
I stand before you lost in the mire.
My heart is heavy and I am lost.

Help me to turn my focus from myself
but to others.

Help me to give,
to shelter,
and to comfort.

~Cindy

A backpack, St. Augustine, Lily and Gracie

"You have so made us, Lord, that we long for you, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
-St. Augustine of Hippo

Lent is still confusing this year for me.  I am not sure what I am suppose to do.  So I am attempting to TRUST!

Cynthia left today for two months in Europe.  Helping her pack her backpack was frustrating, painful, and a reminder that I will be alone in this small but empty house.  I have not been alone in over 40 years!!!  I find the thought both exhilarating and terrifying.  I do not have to compromise with anyone but me.  Though compromise is the salt of life. Cynthia certainly kept me on my toes.  She kept me honest and humble.

St. Augustine struggled so hard to know God.  I think that is why he speaks to me.  What a great sinner, but what an incredible Saint.  The other aspect of St. Augustine is his longing for silence.  He is attracted to the beauty of the world and yet he longs to close his eyes from it so that he can see God.

My Mom shares with me stories of her Bible Study Group.  Really she asks me to pray for them, especially when one is in trouble or hurting.  Lily, I hope that Mom shares this with you.  I understand that your sister, Gracie has recently passed away and there is a hole in your heart.  I get that.  I still find myself examining the hole in my heart since Michael's passing.  Will it fill?  I do not know.  I am not sure that the hole is suppose to fill.  Instead, perhaps,  we are to learn from the emptiness that it brings us.  How can we be so sad when a loved one leaves us?  Are they not on their way to Heaven? Are they not closer to God than we?  Should we not be celebrating their reaching eternal life?

I am sure of this, when Our Blessed Mother stood at the foot of the cross and looked on the body of her son, I know there was a hole in her heart!  When she understood that He was resurrected the human side of her I am sure still had a hole.  He was her son, her baby.  She looked forward to being with Him in Heaven.  I look forward to being with Michael.

My prayer for the rest of Lent is borrowed from St. Augustine.

He bids you return to Him,
to that place within,
where peace abides,
peace that is never disturbed;
to that place from which 
Love never departs,
unless you depart from it.
Make your home in that place.


~Cindy

Metamorphosis

Let us become saints so that after having been together on earth, we may be together in Heaven.
~ St. Padre Pio

This Lenten Season has not been what I planned. I am sure though that it has been and will be what God has planned for me.

First, I fractured my foot and being on crutches and a cane and now possibly a boot is a humbling experience.  I had Plans!  Now I am dependent on others to help me out and it is slow going.

Second, because of my foot I was unable to attend the Lenten Mission at Church and I was really looking forward to hearing Fr. Foley.

Thirdly, I gave up Facebook with the expectation that it would be hard and somehow change me.  Then I started to read several Catholic Bloggers that stated extremely compelling reasons why one should NOT give up social media, but embrace it as an agent for change.  Too late, I am committed.  I must admit that has not been hard and I feel no change, however, God does tend to have His own mystifying time table for such things.

I know my prayer partner was concerned that my posts were only slightly behind the number of another friend on her wall.   She was concerned.  Perhaps she should have been.  I fear that she believed that I was frittering away my day with hitting the "like" button and sharing a little too much.  It was not getting in the way of my prayer life or my conversation with God.  It was a filler when I was waiting to go to Mass or waiting for an appointment.  But none the less I gave it up because I felt drawn to it.

But what does all this have to do with metamorphosis?  Well, the Transfiguration has always stumped me somehow.  I didn't get it.   Then Fr. Charlie used the word metamorphosis instead of transfiguration.  The clouds parted and understanding hit me over the head.

I have often spoken about how Michael was transformed.  The truth is that all of us who knew him were transformed.  His transfiguration allowed each and everyone of us to learn a lesson.   A lesson on how to die with Grace and Dignity.  A lesson on how not to complain about the hand we are dealt in life.  A lesson on how to embrace and forgive and love.  How to be the person that God intends for us to be.

Christ allowed them to see His Divinity shine through His Humanity.  He gave them a glimpse of who He was and is.  They, like me, didn't get it.  God in His Mercy shields us from His Big Plan.  He knows how it would terrify us.  Instead He gives  glimpses and riddles that we have difficulty with understanding.  Though in hind sight it is clear.  He is God.  He loves us.

Lord,
I stand before you
in a bit of a muddle.

Help me to remember that You are the Planner
and I am only an empty vessel that You fill.

Help me in my metamorphosis...

~Cindy

Lent

Pay no attention to the affairs of others, whether they be good or bad, for besides the danger of sin, this is a cause of distractions and lack of spirit.
-St. John of the Cross


I did not want to give up Facebook for Lent, but it was the first thing that popped into my head.  Then I shared that with significant people in my life.  Then I tried to back track and think of something else.  No matter where I was or what I was doing the Holy Spirit was most insistent that giving up Facebook would be the most meaningful.

I just posted on Facebook that I was giving it up for Lent.  Now it is official.

Fr. Charlie reminds us that it is not what we do or what we give up for Lent.  It is important that we DO something.

Lately I have been feeling a little lost at sea, drifting with the current, but not interested in much.  My intention is to pay more attention to my relationship with God, open my ears and my heart and let God do the talking.

I hope that what ever you decide to do for Lent that it is a time of strengthening your relationship with God.

Lord,
Here I am
Not too happy with your suggestion
But willing to Trust that You do know best.

Here I am....

~Cindy

Temptation

Father Charlie talked about temptation today and reminded us that the Devil starts small and if he can break us there then he moves on to bigger and better temptations.

Oh, the devil has me in the small ways and I am sure that he has in medium ways also.  As of yet I have not killed anyone so I am happy for that.  I have been tempted though.  I have said it in a joking manner, but in my heart there were times that I could have killed someone.

I am tempted by sloth.  It is so easy to just put things off and eventually you stop thinking about the things you need to do.

I am tempted by distraction.  Especially when praying the Rosary or the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  Actually when praying.  I think it upsets the devil and he distracts me with the lists of things that I have roaming around in my head.

I am tempted by judging.  Oh that plank in my eye!

I am tempted by being angry.  It such an easy emotion.  If I don't want to deal with an emotion, anger usually fits the bill.

I am tempted by stubbornness. I cover by thinking that I am Staunch.  No I am stubborn.  Like Mammy said in Gone with the Wind. No matter how much Miss Scarlett and Mr. Rhett dressed up like thoroughbreds, they were still stubborn like mules.

Yes, Lord I am tempted.  Tempted daily to listen to the devil and not to you.  Help me.  Lead me not...

Help me to remember....

Counting other people's sins does NOT make me a saint!

~Cindy

Come Home to Me

Ash Wednesday is here.  This year my sister and niece were with me.  My niece is on a Spiritual Journey of her own.  She is exploring our Catholic faith.  Pray for her!

As we walked up to receive our ashes she was ahead of me.  I felt commanded by the Holy Spirit to put my hands on her shoulders as she heard the command, "Hear the Gospel and Repent".

We are all called to Hear the Gospel and Repent.  I am learning that with repentance is God's Mercy!  Mercy pouring forth from His wounds.  Mercy lifting me up.  Mercy carrying me. Mercy for the asking!

Today as we stand together and are reminded that we are dust and to dust we shall return we are also remind that He is calling us home.  He is calling all of us.  Especially those of us who have wandered, those who have sinned and those in most need of His Mercy.

Yes, as the words of the song say:

Softly and tenderly Jesus is Calling, calling for you and for me; see, on the portals He's waiting and watching, watching for you and for me.

Come Home, come home, you who are weary, come home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling for you to come home.

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading, pleading for you and for me? Why should we linger and need not His mercies, mercies for you and for me?

Come Home, come home, you who are weary, come home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling for you to come home.

O for the wonderful love He has promised, promised for you and for me! Though we have sinned, He has mercy and pardon, pardon for you and for me.

Come Home, come home, you who are weary, come home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling for you to come home.

Thank you for Calling me Home.

~ Cindy

Preparation

It seems that we are in a constant state of preparation.  We prepare meals, what to wear today, what to accomplish.  We prepare for Advent and we prepare for Lent.  We prepare for death.  We prepare for eternal life.

I have always believed that preparation done correctly will result in the desired outcome.  In daily life we have many tools that helps us in preparation.  Measured twice cut once, though if truthful I usually measure once and cut twice.  I am in a hurry to get to the end.  I am in a hurry to complete the task.

When I hurry I don't learn the lessons that are in the preparation.  I arrive at the end and often it is anticlimactic. I stand with everything checked off my list, but I failed to savor the journey and learn the lessons.  I did not prepare adequately.

Preparation when you leave the dock in calm weather.  You hope that the weather will hold, but you still check all your safety equipment just in case.  As we know the weather hardly ever holds, but if prepared you have a great sea story at the end of the journey.

So I find myself in the preparation period prior to Lent.  Before I know it Fat Tuesday will be a memory and Ash Wednesday will be upon me.

I am not sure what I am going to do for Lent this year and have been a little worried.  But then the Gospel tells me not to worry for the Lord will take care of me as He takes care of the lilies of the field and the smallest sparrow.


Lord, Help me to remember that you have me firmly in Your hands.
Help me to prepare for Lent without hurry and worry.
Help me to enjoy and embrace this time for it is only 40 days.
Help me to not only check off my list, but to be mindful of the lessons.
Thank you Lord for allowing me to walk this journey with you.

~Cindy