Faith and Fear.

"Faith and Fear both demand that you believe in something that you can not see.  You choose." - Bob Proctor

When living on the sailboat I was fearful of the weather and the shore.  If given a choice I would choose open water over coming into harbor.  The harbor was filled with obstacles and shallow water.  Oh how I hated shallow water!

It seems to me that we are heading for shallow water.  In our fear we allow knee jerk responses to replace prayerful and thoughtful responses.  We condemn Colin Kaepernick because he, in peaceful protest, is taking a knee during the National Anthem.

Before Colin Kaepernick decided to take a knee I didn't know who he was or what he did or believed in.  Now he is front and center of a National debate.  It is easy to vilify Colin and claim that he is not patriotic.  Who is he, a millionaire football player, to shout discrimination?  From what I have read Colin is not talking about himself in this peaceful protest.  No, Colin is talking about groups of people that have been and are currently being discriminated against.

In my humble opinion we are being stirred up by hate and haters.  Social media and the politically  inclined among others stir the pot to divide us.  They want us to dislike and distrust each other.  If we live in a them and us world it is easier to to stand on opposite sides and toss garbage at each other. It is easier to be controlled.  We find ourselves in group think.

Several times on Facebook I have seen a post that states we need Jesus now.  I believe that what we really need is people willing to live and act like Jesus.  We can't just go to Mass on Sunday and think that we have our ticket punched.  No we must go out and be Jesus to everyone that we meet.  We must be merciful and forgiving.  I know those words are easy to write and easy to read.  It is much more difficult to live them.  I believe that we must try!

I do not know what Jesus would do.  However, based on His past behaviors I do not think that he would be condemning Colin.  Jesus wasn't much for condemning.  He asked questions and made thought provoking statements.

John 8:1-11New Living Translation (NLT)

A Woman Caught in Adultery

8 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them.3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery.5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

O Lord,
let the condemning stone fall from my hand.
Let me be a mirror of Your mercy and forgiveness.

Help me to choose Faith over Fear
Help me to show Mercy to others as You have shown me Mercy.

Curb my tongue...
~Cindy

Divine Mercy

Pardon one another so that later on you will not remember the injury.  The recollection of an injury is in itself wrong.  It adds to our anger, nurtures our sin and hates what is good.  It is a rusty arrow and poison for the soul.  it puts all virtue to flight.  - St. Francis of Paola

I have been thinking and praying about Mercy a lot lately.  I began the Novena of Divine Mercy on Good Friday and attended the Divine Mercy celebration at Church yesterday.

 For the novena we were asked to come to the church at 3pm to pray the novena prayers and pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy in Community.  Some days it felt like such a hardship to have to get in my car and drive to church.  Yet, I was always happy that I had made the trip when I got there.  Driving to church a hardship?  I am sure that Our Lord thought it was a hardship when His Father asked Him to die on a Cross for US!

But what is Mercy?  The dictionary tells us that Mercy is:

1. compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

   
   

   So I began to wonder just how merciful am I... not so much.  Here I was being judgmental about others.  I was being obstinate about little things.  I was arrogant which led to more judging, yet there I was asking God to be Merciful to me.  Forgive me!   Forget that my every Confession contains these sins.  Have Mercy on Me!  Forget that I think that my way is the best way.  Forget that I have difficulty with humility and forgiveness.  Forgive Me!!!
   The amazing thing about Divine Mercy is that He does forgive me.  He looks down at my struggle and lifts me up. He sees me afraid and He stands by me.  He watches as I judge others and He grants me Mercy.

The above video is one that I saw on Facebook.  It reminded me that Jesus is there all day, every day. He is there ready to help me when I am afraid, when I am lonely, when I am celebrating.  He is there when I need His Mercy.

Pope Francis has declared that we will celebrate a Year of Divine Mercy starting in December 2015.  Please pray that we are as merciful to others as He is to us.

Lord,
Me again.
Standing here sinful and sorrowful,
asking for you to be merciful to me.

Help me to be humble.
Help me to not judge others.
Help me to see them with Your Merciful Heart.

~Cindy

1. 
   

Hosanna and Happy Palm Sunday

"Who am I to judge?"
- Pope Francis

Palm Sunday and I was allowed the honor of reading as the Speaker during the Gospel.  It is always moving to read the Passion of Our Lord and to celebrate His triumphant entry into Jerusalem.  Though we all know that treachery was being plotted by the chief priests and the scribes.

We are also reminded that Jesus was surrounded by the undesirables of His time.  Lepers, prostitutes and tax collectors to name a few.   Even His Apostles had their faults.  Peter denies Him, Thomas doubts, Judas betrays Him and the others have their own issues.

Jesus was not an excluder.  He was including.  He accepted each of them and each of us for who and what we are, warts and all.  He knows the secret recesses of our hearts and still loves us!  How amazing.

So I am troubled that we are still the rabble that asks for Barabbas, a murderer.  We want to use religious freedom to exclude and deny other humans.  We stand beside the chief priests and scribes and use the letter of the law to hurt our fellow humans.

Have we forgotten that Jesus is about forgiveness?  He, as far as I can remember, turns to the accused and forgives them and asks that they sin no more.  He did not stone the prostitute or the adulteress.  He did not walk away from the leper.  No, He embraced the sinner.  He came for the sinner.  I fear that if He came and walked among us today He would find that not much has changed.

Lord,
I am ashamed that I continue to sin.
I constantly seek your forgiveness, 
even when I am not willing to forgive my neighbor.

Help me to truly pray the words of the Our Father,
keeping in mind that I ask you to forgive me as I forgive others.
Let me not hide behind the letter of the law.  Let my heart be open.

~Cindy

Forgiveness

I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately.  Perhaps, because I was in need of forgiveness.  I knew I needed to go to Confession...but I was embarrassed about what I needed to confess.  I was trying to pray before Mass and I kept being interrupted by the prompting to...GO TO CONFESSION!

So I closed my prayer book and walked back and knocked on Father's door.  I confessed.  As I looked at his face I saw no condemnation or judgement, just Love and FORGIVENESS.  I saw Our Lord with all His Mercy being given to me.

Back in my pew I came to the realization that how could I be embarrassed to confess what God had already seen?  He had full knowledge of my sin.  He was only waiting for me to come and say that I was sorry.  Once I acknowledged my sin and asked for His forgiveness it was mine.

Often I think that we believe that God thinks like us and that His heart is like ours.  How wrong we are.  We can not even begin to comprehend the magnitude of His thoughts and His Heart, it is larger than anything that we can imagine.  That huge heart is full of Mercy...ours for the asking.

Lord,
Thank You for Your Mercy and Forgiveness.
Thank You for prompting me to remember 
that it is mine for the asking.

~Cindy

I was a Happy Sinner!

There was a time when I was happy in my sinfulness.  I rolled around in it like pigs roll in mud.  Not only was I happy to be a sinner, I encouraged others to get down in that mud and roll around with me.

Yes, in the back of my mind I knew I needed to rise out of the pigpen and flee back to my Lord.  I thought that I had plenty of time.  I WAS WRONG!

Yes, even at the last second you can with sincerity ask for forgiveness and it will be granted to you.  He pays the workers in the vineyard no matter the time, they came to labor.  He rejoices for the prodigal sons and daughters and He rejoices for the lost sheep that is returned to the flock!

That is why I am going to lure her
and lead her out into the desert
and speak to her heart.

I am going to give her back her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor a gateway of hope.
There she will respond to me as she did when she was young,
as she did when she came out of the land of Egypt.
Hosea 2: 16-17

I needed to be lured to the desert.  God knew that I needed to be away and have time for silence so that I could hear Him.  He knows how easily I am distracted.  He knows how loud it can be in my head.  He calms me in the silence and there He tells me of his love.

Lord, I would walk in the desert all the days of my life,
If it is there that You want me.
You will be my water and my life.
It is Your voice that sings to me in the morning and the night.
Like a lover you call to me in the silence of my heart.

~Cindy

To Live in Love...

"To live in love is to sail forever, spreading seeds of joy and peace in hearts."

This quote of St. Therese of Lisieux sounds so easy.  It is part of her Little Way.  There was and is nothing simple about her Little Way.  It is total and complete abandonment of her self to Christ Jesus.

She focused on the little things that bothered her or caused vexation.  The little day to day things that moved her away from the one she loved.  She offered up the clicking teeth of the nun behind her as they were in Chapel.  She was sweet to the nun that irritated her.  She was in fact so good and sweet that the nun in question once said to Mother Superior, "I am not sure what I have none to make Therese love me so much."

I am not sure what I have done to make God love me so much!  I am such a great sinner.  I struggle daily with the little things that irritate me and cause vexation.  I roll my eyes in church at the talkers, the laughers during the Rosary, etc.  All the while forgetting that they are lonely and look forward to Mass as a time to talk to someone else.  I do not know their story or sorrows or needs or concerns.

Instead of feeling superior I should be humbled that I am more than willing to overlook my faults and focus on the faults of others.  I am surprised that I do not knock people unconscious with the plank that is sticking out of my forehead!

Every day God allows me to use my free will to choose to live in love or to be petty, angry, jealous, or bitter or unloving.  Every day God gives me a chance to be kind, forgiving, loving and to sail forever spreading seeds of joy and peace in hearts.

It is not my job to cure the entire worlds ills.  It is my duty to attempt to live in love!

Lord,
I want to sail forever!
I want to live in love,
I want to spread seeds of joy and peace in hearts.
I am but an empty vessel lifted up to you to fill and use as You need.

~Cindy

How is it that They did NOT recognize Jesus

Here we are in the Octave of Easter.  The Gospel is full of sightings of Jesus after He has been raised from the dead.  The thread is similar in all of the sightings, They do NOT recognize Jesus!  They walk with Him, He calls to them and only when he breaks the bread and offers it to them do they know... IT IS THE LORD!

That has always puzzled me that here are the very people that walked with Him, ate with Him, shared His journey and yet, they do NOT recognize Him!

How many times does Our Lord appear to us in our daily life and we do NOT recognize Him?  More times than I like to think about.  Did I not see a glimpse of Him in the frustrated checker at Wal-Mart?  Was that not Him in the irritating individual at church?  Did I not see Him in one that I find it hard to forgive?

We are called not only to reflect Christ in our lives, but to recognize Him in others.  To recognize Him especially in those that at first blush seem the farthest from Christ. Christ is easy to see in those that think like us and act like us.  But I believe that we are called to find the Christ in those that He appears to be most hidden.

Lord,
Help me today to see You.  To see you in those that irritate me.  In those that I find it hard to forgive.  In those that do not act in the way I think they should.

~Cindy

Praying the Our Father

The Our Father is one prayer that seems to cross all lines of denominations.  I have been praying it a lot these days.  As I pray it I tremble when contemplating what I am truly asking for when I say:

"And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

These are powerful words.  Do I really want God to forgive me in the same manner that I forgive those that have hurt me, made me angry, trespassed against me? No.  I want him to be more forgiving, but truly I am the one that needs to be more like him.  He has forgiven me much and I am quite sure that he will forgive me much in the future.

In my hurt and my anger, justified though it may have been He led me to this quote:

A moment of patience
in a moment of anger.

Prevents a thousand
moments of regret.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib

Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane cut off the ear of one of the guards.  Jesus healed the guard.  He asked Peter to put down his sword and I am putting down mine.

Your sins are forgiven. Go and Sin no more.

Alleluia, Alleluia.

My Beloved has answered my prayers and all the prayers of my family and friends.  As of today Michael and I are home.  We have been welcomed back to the Church!

We made our confessions and received absolution.  And then the longing of my heart was answered and we received Holy Communion!

This is the Body and Blood

My heart actually physically hurts I am so happy.  I have longed for this moment for a very long time.  Now Our Blessed Mother has moved her Son to grant not only that I am in full communion with the Church, but she extended her mercy to Michael.

After 23 years of marriage we said a Rosary in thanksgiving together, both in good standing with the Church.

There really are no words to tell you how wonderful and at peace I am.  I am now carrying my Beloved in my heart.  He has removed all obstacles and made me whole.

Alleluia, Alleluia

~Cindy

Petition of Frater-Soror

My Spiritual Journey has been a bumpy one to say the least.  I took myself away from the Church several years ago and during that time I married.

Of course we were not married in the Church, we were living in sin.  A little over two years ago I decided that I was being called back to the Church.  Our Lord can be persistent.  My difficulty was that my husband was not hearing the same call.

Life has changed yet again and now we both want to be in Full Communion with the Church.  Yes, he could petition of an annulment, but we do not think that we have time for that.  He has been diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer.  Currently, he is doing palliative Chemotherapy so that he can have some time.  Time to get his life in order.  Our Parish priest was most helpful in leading us in the direction that he felt would be most expeditious.  Therefore, we are petitioning for a Petition Frater-Soror.  In other words to live as Brother and Sister.

Oh, there are complications.  We live in Arizona but have chosen to go to the Parrish in Nevada.  It is only across the river a 15 minute drive. Not to worry, we live in the digital age and he could fill out the Diocesan paperwork.  He called the Arizona Diocese and got his code so that he could enter the data. Complication...the Arizona Bishop will not sign the Petition Frater-Soror unless it comes from the Parrish Priest in Arizona. Our Priest has spoken with the Arizona Priest and the Arizona Priest will meet with us today and decide if he will support our Petition.

I understand that sometimes we must deal with the business side of the Church and that it has its place.  However, I am disappointed.  I am hurting.  I am concerned for our souls.  I long with all my heart to receive the Holy Eucharist.

Lord, I have to lay this at Your feet and walk away.  Walk away in Trust that You, who can move mountains know the desires of our hearts and will send the Holy Spirit to whisper in a couple of ears.

Jesus, I Trust in You

~Cindy

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

I saw this photo on Pinterest the other day.  It has been on my mind ever since.

Confession

It was titled, "This is Confession."  It is from the time that Mel Gibson was filming the movie "The Passion."

At first my eye was drawn to the actor portraying the Christ and I was touched.  It reminded me that Christ did suffer and die for me and when I sin I pick up the whip and hurt Him yet once more.

Secondly, I noticed that Mel was wearing his Brown Scapular.  That is a good thing in my mind.

Then it happened.  I noticed that it was Mel Gibson who has been in the news for anti Semitic rants, public drunkenness, adultery, etc.  The fact that Mel was sitting there bothered me.  So I decided that I would photo shop Mel out of the picture.  Not being very skilled at that, I was not successful.

Here is that 2X4 that I sometimes need to get the message.  Here is what I share with Mel Gibson.  I too have committed the sins of public drunkenness and adultery.  There are many more sins, but these two I  share with Mel.  I also share the Brown Scapular and my need for Confession.

It is not my place to judge Mel.  His sins are between him and God.  I do not know Mel Gibson's heart nor the condition of his soul.  My place is to take care of mine.  My place is to pray for my fellow sinner.

I confess to you my brothers and sisters....

~Cindy

Thoughts on the Confiteor

I am always humbled during the Confiteor.  The recitation reminds me of how humble I should be in the Presence of the Lord.

I confess to almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters,
(Boy am I relieved that I don't have to confess to each and everyone of you out loud.)

that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words,
(my greatest sins: thoughts and words.  Lord you know the sharpness of my tongue and all of my thoughts...)

In what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
(sins of omission...these are the ones that trip me up.  I know what is expected, but...)

through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault,
( Yes, I am admitting my fault three times and still it doesn't always seem adequate.)

therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angles and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord our God.
( I am not only asking. I am begging, pray for me! I want the heavenly switchboard to be lit up!)

May almighty God have mercy on us,
( Please be merciful.)

forgive us our sins,
( I long for your forgiveness.)

and bring us to everlasting life.
(Everlasting life, it is the goal.)

During each and every Mass we all stand together and admit our sins.  We ask for prayer, and forgiveness. We hope for God's mercy and everlasting life.

I place my trust in you, Lord.

Cindy~