A Seat at the Table

When I was growing up there was always a place at the table for extra people.  I was so confident of this that I would on occasion invite people over for dinner and not tell my Mom.  She was gracious and made sure that some how she had enough to share.

Our dinner table was where we all sat down together.  We were not allowed to answer the phone or watch television.  It was a time to share our day.  We talked to each other.  We asked to be excused from the table when we were finished eating.  It was an important part of our day growing up.

I have often wondered what it would have been like to sit at the table with Our Lord.  This past week my prayer partner helped me to experience sitting at table with Our Lord in a very different way.

Yes, I know that when I am at Mass that I am invited to the Table of Our Lord in Holy Communion.  I take advantage of that great invitation as often as possible.  It is the Eucharist that sustains me.

But last week when I was so grieving Michael's death we went to the Grotto to pray our Rosary.  She had told me that there was a new "Jesus Table", but my mind could not even imagine what it would be like.

As we walked under the live oaks on the path to the grotto she instructed me to turn right and there He was.  Jesus was sitting at an empty table with open spots for all and any who wanted to join him.  I welled up with tears and a sense of peace came over me.  I wanted to sit right next to Him.  I wanted to touch Him.

There Jesus was breaking the bread with the cup in front of Him.  He assured me that there was a seat at the table for me.  I will admit that as I approached I thought about whether to sit on His right or His left.  But that thought left as a I
chose my place and sat with My Lord.

Oh Lord,
How can I thank You for all the blessing you bestow on me?
I come to you broken and empty,
It is You that fills me.
It is You that heals me.
It is You that offers me a seat at Your Table.


~Cindy

A Reading

Friday 18 July will be seven months since Michael passed into Eternal Life!  I really can not believe it.  A part of my mind refuses to believe that he is gone, but my heart knows the truth.

Today I was asked to fill in for the Lecture this Friday.  So I sat down this morning to review the readings.  Here is what I read:

When Hezekiah was mortally ill, 

the prophet Isaiah, son of Amoz, came and said to him:

"Thus says the LORD: Put your house in order, 

for you are about to die; you shall not recover."

Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD:

Isaiah 38:1-2

The reading goes on and after praying the LORD grants Hezekiah fifteen more years to his life.  We are continually reminded that we do not know the hour when death will come for us.  It will come like a thief in the night.

How blessed we were that we had time to put our house in order before Michael died.  He worked hard at putting his house in order.  Not only his material house and matters of this world,  he worked doubly hard at putting his spiritual house in order.

Not all of us will have time to put our houses in order.  No, we must daily prepare to depart from this world and enter the next.  We must clean the cobwebs from our prayer books, dust off our sacramentals and attend the Holy Mass in full communion with Our Lord.  We must avail ourselves of the Sacraments, so that we may attain all the grace the God is ready to bestow on us for the asking.

Lord,
Only you know the hour of my death.
My death in this life will only be a door that I  pass thru to enter Eternal Life with You.
Help me to put my house in order daily.
Help me to seek You out in the Sacraments.
Help me to offer myself up with You at Holy Mass.
May my Communions be a worthy offering to You.

~Cindy

Afghans, Quilts, Transfusion, and Prayer

Blessings this past week.  A stranger to me and my husband, a member of my Mom's Bible Study, crocheted an Afghan for him.  It warms him when he is chilled and is a visual reminder of the many gifts that God sends via our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We needed the blessing when we were told that he is anemic and needed a transfusion to help out his bone marrow so that he can continue his chemo therapy.  Yes, it is a normal event when getting chemo, but it still felt like a step back, a bump in the road, a small intake of breath.

Yet as I was sitting with him and the blood that was a gift of another total stranger dripped in to his arm I noticed that his cheeks were getting pink!  It has been a long time since his cheeks have been pink.  A blessing, a gift, and answered prayer.

Sometimes my prayer life is in need of a transfusion.  It is a little rote. I need a little something to put some pink in my cheeks.  Lately it has been in the readings of the Divine Office and the addition of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to my morning prayer time.

A yet again a blessing from a stranger.  I won a quilt from my church.  It was a raffle to purchase gifts for the Christmas stockings for our Troops overseas and for the Warrior and Family Support Center at Fort Sam Houston.  Currently there are over 100 children of Wounded Warriors staying there.  My gift was small.

Lord, you have given me so much this week.  Three gifts and of course the greatest gift, The Holy Eucharist. You lift me up. You let your light shine on me in the darkness.  Thank YOU!

~Cindy

Our Lady of the Rosary

Today is the Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary.  It is also the completion of my retreat.  Today is the day that I make my Consecration to Our Blessed Mother.

There has been a calm in my heart for several weeks as I prepared for this consecration.  But the last couple of days I noticed that I fell into some old patterns.  Bursts  of frustration, anger and ill temper.  At first I was confused as to what was happening.  Then it hit me.  The Devil. 

He really was not happy with how things were going.  He was losing traction in my life and like a spoiled child he was going around and stamping his feet and throwing things.  He knows me well, that one.  He knows every chink in my armour and how to open it up to do the most damage.

For my part, confession, prayer and Holy Communion.  I know that I won't be perfect from this moment on.  I do know and believe that I am a child of God and that He and I share a Mother!  He choose her and he gave her to me.  I for my part have placed everything that I am and hope to be in her care. 

She knows me better than the devil does.  She knows the good and the bad.  She knows my struggles, confusion, and hurts.  She helps me stand at the foot of the cross and embrace it with all my being.  Our hearts are united.  She has given us the perfect weapon, The Most Holy Rosary!

~Cindy

My Grandparents came this morning

I am still riding on the high of being able to receive Holy Communion.  It is like a cloak that has settled on me.  It makes me warm and feel safe all at the same time.

This morning as I was praying the Rosary what I at first thought was a distraction turned in to such Grace!

I was just beginning the 3rd Glorious Mystery when the thought of my grandparents drifted across my mind.  Then this ache started in my heart and spread throughout my chest and then there was a warmness and tears began to fill my eyes and then I could smell them both.  Helen and John were there with me.  I still am tearing up when I think of them.

They had such faith.  My grandpa was gone much to soon from my physical life, but he has always been a guide for me.  Someone that I turn to when in trouble.  He has always comforted me.  Grandma, what can I say?  You who quietly professed your faith.  You went to daily Mass and yes you took me with you even when I was not so excited about going.  But you just kept on with praying your Rosary, attending daily Mass and being a witness to the grace of God.

So what I thought was a distraction turn into another Tender Mercy from my Beloved!

~Cindy

Your sins are forgiven. Go and Sin no more.

Alleluia, Alleluia.

My Beloved has answered my prayers and all the prayers of my family and friends.  As of today Michael and I are home.  We have been welcomed back to the Church!

We made our confessions and received absolution.  And then the longing of my heart was answered and we received Holy Communion!

This is the Body and Blood

My heart actually physically hurts I am so happy.  I have longed for this moment for a very long time.  Now Our Blessed Mother has moved her Son to grant not only that I am in full communion with the Church, but she extended her mercy to Michael.

After 23 years of marriage we said a Rosary in thanksgiving together, both in good standing with the Church.

There really are no words to tell you how wonderful and at peace I am.  I am now carrying my Beloved in my heart.  He has removed all obstacles and made me whole.

Alleluia, Alleluia

~Cindy