Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Friday, December 18, 2015

And the Second Year Passes

"He who bears his sufferings with patience for God's sake, will soon arrive at high perfection.  He will be master of the world and will already have one foot in the other world.
-St. Giles of Assisi

How symbolic that on the second anniversary of Michael entering eternal life I am driving to San Antonio to spend Christmas with our children.

How happy I am that I will have two days to myself to talk to him as the miles move under my wheels. So many times we made this journey together.  In some ways we still make the journey together.  I talk to him all along the way!

I remember all the previous trips full of jokes, teasing, pushing on when he wanted to stop.  Asking if he wanted to stop at the Cochise Stronghold.  His answer was always that we would stop on the way back.  We never did.  We were always ready to be home.

I will visit his grave though I know he is not there.  But there is something comforting about sitting there and talking with him. I know that we will share memories while there.  I am sure there will be tears.  I know there will be laughter.

I would be remiss if I did not thank St. Joseph for the holy and peaceful death he gave Michael.  It was truly an answer to prayer.  Michael bore his sufferings with patience for God's sake.  I pray he has one foot in the other world.

Lord,
Thank you for all the memories that you give me.
Thank you for the health to make this trip.

Give me strength for the coming year and the changes it will bring.

~Cindy

Monday, November 10, 2014

Time

When I was in High School my science teacher had a sign under the wall clock.  It read: TIME WILL PASS, WILL YOU?

I can not begin to tell you how many times when I was looking to see if class was over that the only thing I could see was that sign.  The phrase has stayed with me all these years.  I think of it when I am anxious for some event to happen or when I feel like time is standing still. " It is all about perspective" to quote Fr. Charlie.


Now I live in Arizona on the border of Nevada.  Nevada honors daylight savings time and we do not. So time can be confusing.  I travel twenty minutes to church but the clock shows that I either gain or lose an hour in those twenty minutes depending on which way I am traveling.  I keep a clock set to Nevada time in my house.  It makes it easier for me, except when I look at it and think that is Arizona  time.

My prayer partner lives in a different time zone all together and every year, twice a year we do the dance when the time change occurs.  We never can get it right.  We are math challenged anyway.  We have depended on our respective spouses to tell us when we should be praying in our time zones.  They have tried to explain it to us, but we only want the answer.  We do not want to see their work.  The first couple of days we are still getting organized and every time we pray early or late and apologize to each other.  By then end of the first week we are back on course and all new alarms are in working order.  Now, of course, you can use your smartphone to tell you what time it is anywhere in the world.  Not that that has helped either of us!

Sometimes I become confused about what time zone I live in.  Sometimes I become confused about which world I live in.  I forget that I am only here for a little while and that my true home is heaven.  I should not concern myself with manmade things.  My focus should be on God.  But like the time change and living on the border I do not always look at the right clock.

I spend my time being concerned about the conversations swirling around me before Mass.  My focus is gone.  I am more concerned with the speck in another's eye than the plank in mine.  I spend time in laziness and procrastination.

God tells us that we know not the hour or the day and that death will come like a thief in the night.  That is the only time we should be concerned about.  Have I used my time and talents wisely?  Will I be able to give a good accounting?

I think of how Michael and I spent our last months together.  We knew that his time was coming to an end on this earth and we were trying our hardest to make the most of it.  I believe that when I am asked to give an accounting of my time, that those months are at the top of my list of time that I am most proud.  It was not squandered.  I did not procrastinate.  I held every moment dear.

Lord,
So many times in the past I have squander time.
I have forgotten that time is a gift.
Help me to spend my time as you would have me spend it.
Help me to use my time to become the person that you want me to be.
Yes Lord,
Time will pass, 
Help me to pass also.

~Cindy

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Reading

Friday 18 July will be seven months since Michael passed into Eternal Life!  I really can not believe it.  A part of my mind refuses to believe that he is gone, but my heart knows the truth.

Today I was asked to fill in for the Lecture this Friday.  So I sat down this morning to review the readings.  Here is what I read:

When Hezekiah was mortally ill, 
the prophet Isaiah, son of Amoz, came and said to him:
"Thus says the LORD: Put your house in order, 
for you are about to die; you shall not recover."
Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD:
Isaiah 38:1-2

The reading goes on and after praying the LORD grants Hezekiah fifteen more years to his life.  We are continually reminded that we do not know the hour when death will come for us.  It will come like a thief in the night.


How blessed we were that we had time to put our house in order before Michael died.  He worked hard at putting his house in order.  Not only his material house and matters of this world,  he worked doubly hard at putting his spiritual house in order.

Not all of us will have time to put our houses in order.  No, we must daily prepare to depart from this world and enter the next.  We must clean the cobwebs from our prayer books, dust off our sacramentals and attend the Holy Mass in full communion with Our Lord.  We must avail ourselves of the Sacraments, so that we may attain all the grace the God is ready to bestow on us for the asking.

Lord,
Only you know the hour of my death.
My death in this life will only be a door that I  pass thru to enter Eternal Life with You.
Help me to put my house in order daily.
Help me to seek You out in the Sacraments.
Help me to offer myself up with You at Holy Mass.
May my Communions be a worthy offering to You.

~Cindy

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Re-weaving my LIfe.

Since Michael's passing I have felt like someone pulled a loose thread on a tapestry or a loose piece of yarn from some crocheted afghan and I began to unravel. I was a mess.  But slowly I began to rewind my mess and put it in a neat ball so that I could once again begin to weave my life.

 For awhile I was content to lay on the floor in in puddle of emotion and have no purpose.  I cried all the time and my compass no longer pointed North.  It just spun around looking for North or a destination.


Little did I know that I was in my destination.  Though still on a journey, I am where I am suppose to be.  I cry less these days, tho in a moment I can feel the tears well-up when I think of Michael.  But I smile now more when I think of him and remember our time together.

I survived my first Mother's Day without him. I still have the four month anniversary of his death on the 18th of May and the 23rd of May will be the one year anniversary of his diagnosis.

I can't believe that the days are flying by so fast and each one moves me farther away.  Time might move me farther away, but it can not move him from my heart and mind.  He is with me.  He will always be with me.

Our Lord promised that He would be with us always.  He promised us Eternal Life.  In these past months I have felt the Lord moving in my life in ways I never imagined.  He has showered me with blessings.

Lord,
I thank you for your many and wondrous blessings that you shower on me daily.  I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and life eternal with you. I know that I have much to do.  Let us pick up our thread and begin to re-weave my life.

~Cindy

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Called Home

Psalmody 19 December

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
come and rescue me, for you are my
refuge and my strength.



Michael's battle with pancreatic cancer ended yesterday.  He went surrounded by family praying the rosary and playing chant music from the Benedictine Nuns.   We all talked to him even though he could not answer.  He was too busy passing from this life of pain to the life of eternal joy.

We made a promise to each other that I would pray for his soul in purgatory and he would pray for mine.  I am going to hold him to that promise.  He was able to come back to the Church and be embraced by the loving arms of Our Blessed Mother and Our Lord and Saviour.

Michael would not want us to stop living.  No this was a man who loved life and lived it to the fullest.  So as we continue to prepare for Christmas I am comforted that Michael will be there to truly celebrate.

We have loved him during life. Let us not abandon him, until we have conducted him by our prayers into the house of the Lord.  St. Ambrose

~Cindy