I was Reminded...

I must admit that the trip to Texas really took the stuffing out of me.  I am having trouble getting my legs under me.  I feel empty and parched.

Parched like someone lost in the desert with no oasis in sight!

My only consolation is the Eucharist.  I find myself tearing up and part of me wants to let go and just cry myself out.  But I am afraid.  Afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop.

My prayers are rote and empty.  They are just words that I mouth and bring me no comfort.  All I have is my emptiness to offer.

I was reminded today at Mass that many Saints had fellow Saints that helped them.  They encouraged each other.  They prayed for each other.

  Today we remember Saint Cornelius and Saint Cyprian.  Both priests and Bishops.  Both martyrs.
They knew they were going to be martyred and they held each other up.

I am NO saint.  However, I too have people who lift me up.  My Prayer Partner, my Family, my Parrish, my Priest and my Deacon.  I do not know what I would do without them and their prayers.

Lord, I am so empty...
I fear that I will never know
Your Mercy again.
I stand before you with nothing
to give to you.
I yearn for your comfort.
I yearn for some small measure of mercy.

  
                                                                                  ~Cindy
Please remember me in your prayers.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and me

How fitting that today is the Feast Day of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.  A widow that converted to Catholicism and started the American Catholic school system.

 I have had many roles in my life; daughter, sister, aunt, friend, wife, mother, grandmother, and now widow.

It seems very strange to be a widow.  The word sounds old and foreign on my tongue.  I am not sure what to do with this new role.

I feel like I am floating in a sensory deprivation device waiting.  Waiting for you, Lord.  Waiting to see which path opens itself to me.  I am content to wait.  Content to ponder the changes in my life.  Content to put on this role and see how it fits.  But mostly content to wait on You, Lord.

From the Divine Office this morning we pray:



RESPONSORY
The Lord will help her; his loving presence will be with her. 
– The Lord will help her; his loving presence will be with her.
He dwells in her; she will not falter.–
  His loving presence will be with her.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. 
– The Lord will help her; his loving presence will be with her.

~Cindy