Solemnity - All Saints Day

I love this Holy Day of Obligation.  I think about all the Saints in Heaven with God singing His praises and hopefully putting in a small good word for me.

Lately I have been feeling small and empty.  I am distracted in my prayers.  There is no comfort to be found and yet, I continue to pray.  Every saint that I have ever read about has felt empty and small and distracted.  Some for years or decades.  Yet, they continued to pray.

In case you may be wondering, I know that I am NO saint.  Not yet anyway!  I hope to be one.  I long to be one.  I pray to be one.  So I look to my go to Saints for guidance.

St Therese the Little Flower - a simple all encompassing love was her's.  She offered herself as an empty vessel to the good God.  She saw Jesus' arms as elevators to Heaven and longed to throw herself into them.

St Jude - Impossible Cases. That's me all over.  You have gotten me through some tough stuff.

St Anthony of Padua - Finder of lost articles.  You not only have found things I have lost, you helped me find me!

The Blessed Mother - My mother in Heaven.  I put my trust in your continued love in full knowledge that you will lead me to your Son.

On this Solemnity of All Saints I am reminded:

Ephesians 2:8-9:

 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 
 

Getting Lost in the Busy

I was texting with my prayer partner last night.  She is feeling a little over busy and is concerned that she may be losing sight of her call.  It happens and I can relate.  In the Honeymoon phase when you are so on fire you sign up for every retreat, society and mission that you can work into your schedule.  You fill your day with commitments that are more about doing then about being.

Prayer becomes rote and there is little meaning.  Though in times of aridity it is right to continue praying.  We want to be careful not to become "whited sepulchers" more concerned about the Law than the Spirit of the Law.  We don't want to be: just seen praying.  We must pray!  But it is not important to let others always see or know that we are indeed praying.  We continually must evaluate our motivation.  It is a delicate balance.  I like to remember that Jesus often times appears to be overwhelmed by the crowds.  He takes time to go to a quiet place to pray.  We need to do that too.  Prayer is the battery charge that keeps us going and gives meaning to our lives.

So I was praying about my prayer partner this morning and I thought of Martha and Mary.  In Luke 10:38-42 we read:

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

I am a lot like Martha.  I run around and make sure that everything is as it should be and only stop when exhausted and a little upset that no one was helping me.  Though if I am honest they wouldn't do it the way I want it anyway.

I struggle to be like Mary.  I want to sit quietly at the feet of Jesus, but my mind starts to wander with all the things that I need to get done.  I am making mental lists of lists.  I find being quiet difficult!  I can hide in my busyness.  So I try and practice being quiet.  I try to listen.

So dear prayer partner if you want I am willing to change places though I think we both need to take a breath, go to a quiet place, and listen.  I believe that He is calling...

~Cindy

My Grandparents came this morning

I am still riding on the high of being able to receive Holy Communion.  It is like a cloak that has settled on me.  It makes me warm and feel safe all at the same time.

This morning as I was praying the Rosary what I at first thought was a distraction turned in to such Grace!

I was just beginning the 3rd Glorious Mystery when the thought of my grandparents drifted across my mind.  Then this ache started in my heart and spread throughout my chest and then there was a warmness and tears began to fill my eyes and then I could smell them both.  Helen and John were there with me.  I still am tearing up when I think of them.

They had such faith.  My grandpa was gone much to soon from my physical life, but he has always been a guide for me.  Someone that I turn to when in trouble.  He has always comforted me.  Grandma, what can I say?  You who quietly professed your faith.  You went to daily Mass and yes you took me with you even when I was not so excited about going.  But you just kept on with praying your Rosary, attending daily Mass and being a witness to the grace of God.

So what I thought was a distraction turn into another Tender Mercy from my Beloved!

~Cindy

Distraction

Again I am pruning.  Pruning not only the trees and shrubs, but also my prayer life.  Like the trees that I pruned earlier you could see that it helped them grow up tall and straight reaching for the sky.  I am told that if you prune the sucker branches immediately that it helps the tree put it's growing energy into growing up and not into the little sucker branches that keep it short.

Sucker branches are like distractions in my prayer life.  There I was all pruned and growing straight and reaching for the heavens.  Then like the tree I found that I had sucker branches/distractions.  Before I start the Divine Office let me check my email and my Facebook, my bloglov'n feed.  As I am praying the Rosary, my mind wanders and I am thinking about what to make for dinner, the laundry that needs to be done, etc.

Distractions fill my day and I am like the child with ADD.  I can't sit still.  I am pulled in all directions and accomplish nothing.  I am sound and fury.

I am being pulled to the Cross.  It is a where my Beloved is.  It is there that I find comfort. But then I get distracted and look away.  When I look away I am scared and uncertain.  It is only when I am able to not only stand at the Cross, but to embrace the Cross that I am whole and not distracted.

So today on the Feast of the Triumph of the Cross as I was able to meditate this morning this thought came to me.

It is always the Cross.  You call us to it.  You ask us to not only stand there but to embrace it.  Our love story is the Cross!

~ Cindy