If you want Peace...

"If you want Peace...work for Social Justice."
 St. Paul

Prayer for Peace

Lord make me an instrument of Your Peace

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may seek

not so much to be consoled as to console; to be

understood as to understand; to be loved as to

love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is

in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is

in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Attributed to St. Francis of Assisi 

Martha, Martha, Martha...

Every moment comes to us pregnant with a command from God, only to pass on and plunge into eternity, there to remain forever what we have made it.

 -St. Francis de Sales

I have always been much more comfortable being a Martha and not a Mary.  I jump up and do things.  Even though I say I really do not want to be in charge.  That is usually where I end up. Doing!!

It is a great Cross for me to sit and be quiet.  And so with that in mind and for the good of my family needs now, I decided to resign as the Coordinator of Lectors and Commentators at Church.  It was a difficult decision for me and one that I did not make lightly.

I feel that it is right for me to sit at the feet of Our Lord and listen.  It is and was so easy for me to get caught up in the doing that I found I was becoming deaf.

I will enter my own little cloistered heart and contemplate and pray.  I will spend more time listening and less time talking.

Speak Lord,

I am listening...

Help me to open my ears

and heart and hear you anew.

Help me to close the grille and

hear your voice in the silence.

~Cindy

The Liturgy of the Hours

Prayer reveals to souls the vanity of earthly goods and pleasures.  It fills them with light, strength and consolation, and gives them a foretaste of the calm bliss of our heavenly home. - St. Rose of Viterbo

I love technology and all my little gadgets.  I revel in the idea that I can put something on my calendar on the phone and it will sync to my computer and iPad.

For awhile now I have been praying the Liturgy of the Hours digitally.  It was easy and straight forward.  I could even listen to it being read to me.  But I have been being pulled back to the Dead Tree Books for a bit.  There are those in my family who at reading this are shaking their heads wondering what took me so long.

I have a lovely prayer book that I use every day and have been having the nagging feeling that it was time to purchase the Four volume set of the Liturgy of the Hours. Thank you Amazon Prime for delivering them it two days!  The down side is that the guide for 2016 is on back order.  So for the time being I go to the digital edition and stumble in my book until I find the correct readings/prayers.

The Deacon at our Church was kind enough to give me the LOTH 101 right after he blessed my volumes. Still stumbling around, but from everything that I have read that is normal.

But I love my books with their ribbons and thin pages.  They rest in my hand and have weight that feels right.  There are no notifications dinging and scrolling across the screen.  I am able to fall into the rhythm of the readings without distraction.

I have ordered the book, "Divine Office for Dodos," from the Confraternity of Penitents Holy Angles Gift Shop.  They promise me that they will have me flipping to the proper Proper of the day in no time!

Lord,
I am so grateful 
for the opportunity to pray in unison
with others around the world.
This gift of the Liturgy of the Hours
is second only to the Liturgy of the Mass.

Let me lift my voice in your praise.
~Cindy

Being a Saint...

"Beware not to disturb yourself, nor to be irritated on account of the defects of others,  for it would be folly, because you saw a man throw himself into a pit, to throw yourself into another." ~St. Bonaventure

Pope Francis has been talking about how to become a Saint.  One of the things he says is that we should not talk about others.  You know Gossip!  He also has talked about gossip among our own Church members.  He states that this is a great sin.

I am guilty.  Guilty not only of talking about others, but of listening to negative things about others.  I was discussing this with my sister.  One point that she made was, "Well, then what would we talk about?  It is so much easier to point out the negative in our family, friends and others.  Looking for the good is harder."  I have to agree.  It is so much easier to find fault.  I think we do this so that we can feel better about ourselves.  That is part of the struggle.

Instead we should be looking for the good in everyone and in our commonality.  I know that I struggle with judging others and being irritated is so easy.  If I looked at others with the compassion that I ask Our Lord to look at me how much more peaceful would we all be?

Another conversation that I have frequently is; when persecution comes will I be able to stand up for my Faith.  I usually answer that I hope so. The question remains then, if I can not be compassionate and stop talking about others how will I find the courage to stand up for my Faith?

Lord, I believe.
Help me in my unbelief.

Give me the Grace to be compassionate.
To place myself in other's shoes.

Lord put on lock on my lips when
I speak ill of others.

~Cindy

I was Reminded...

I must admit that the trip to Texas really took the stuffing out of me.  I am having trouble getting my legs under me.  I feel empty and parched.

Parched like someone lost in the desert with no oasis in sight!

My only consolation is the Eucharist.  I find myself tearing up and part of me wants to let go and just cry myself out.  But I am afraid.  Afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop.

My prayers are rote and empty.  They are just words that I mouth and bring me no comfort.  All I have is my emptiness to offer.

I was reminded today at Mass that many Saints had fellow Saints that helped them.  They encouraged each other.  They prayed for each other.

  Today we remember Saint Cornelius and Saint Cyprian.  Both priests and Bishops.  Both martyrs.
They knew they were going to be martyred and they held each other up.

I am NO saint.  However, I too have people who lift me up.  My Prayer Partner, my Family, my Parrish, my Priest and my Deacon.  I do not know what I would do without them and their prayers.

Lord, I am so empty...
I fear that I will never know
Your Mercy again.
I stand before you with nothing
to give to you.
I yearn for your comfort.
I yearn for some small measure of mercy.

  
                                                                                  ~Cindy
Please remember me in your prayers.

Our Lady Undoer of Knots

It was not until Pope Francis was elected Pope that I even heard of this devotion.  In fact my prayer partner brought it to my attention.

I understand the imagery of Our Blessed Mother undoing the knots in my life.  She is patient and works steadily to undo all those pesky knots that keep me from her Son.  The ones that keep me up at night and worry me throughout the day.

I just finished the Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots and one line out of all the meditations over the last nine days has been with me.

"The Holy Spirit was manifest on her lips."

 What a wonderful image that Our Mother never spoke in anger, or gossiped, or judged.  When she spoke she allowed the Holy Spirit to always speak!

How I wish that I was more willing to let the Holy Spirit speak through me always.  To quiet my own words and let His words flow from my mouth like milk and honey.  That my words would be an encouragement to others.  My words the words of comfort.  That always the Holy Spirit was manifest on my lips.

Dear Mother,

I come to you as your child and ask that you assist me now and always to quiet my words and let the Holy Spirit be manifest on my lips.

O Immaculate Lady - Undoer of Knots, Pray for us!
Amen

~Cindy

Me and The Poor Souls in Purgatory

The Poor Souls being released during Mass

The Poor Souls in Purgatory and I have a long relationship.  One of the favorite phrases of the Nuns and Sisters that taught me over the years was, "Offer it up for the Poor Souls in Purgatory."  As a child I really didn't think too much about those Poor Souls.  I thought like a child and did not understand just how much those Poor Souls needed my prayers.

As I matured I would often say to others, "Offer it up for the Poor Souls in Purgatory."  I said it more out of habit and less about an understanding of what the simple phrase truly meant.

Saint Faustina writes in her diary about her visit to Purgatory.
[The next night] I saw my Guardian Angel, who ordered me to follow him.  In a moment I was in a misty place full of fire in which there was a great crowd of suffering souls.  They were praying fervently, but to no avail, for themselves, only we can come to their aid.  The flames which were burning them did not touch me at all.  My Guardian Angel did not leave me for an instant.  I asked these souls what their greatest suffering was.  They answered me in one voice that their greatest torment was longing for God.  I saw Our Lady visiting the souls in Purgatory.  The souls call her, "The Star of the Sea."  She brings them refreshment.  I wanted to talk with them some more, but my Guardian Angel beckoned me to leave. [I heard an interior voice] which said, My mercy does not want this, but justice demands it.  Since that time I am in closer communion with the suffering souls. Notebook 1- 20

Saint Gertrude the Great also had an affinity for the Poor Souls.  She wrote many beautiful prayers for them.  Our Lord told her that He would release as many souls as she asked for during Holy Communion.  He released more than she dared ask for.  I pray them daily.

It really became clear to me as Michael was dying and we talked about life, death, eternal life, Heaven, Hell and of course Purgatory; that Michael would be spending time in Purgatory.  As Father Kelly told me once, "Cindy, it is not if we are going to Purgatory, it is a matter of how long we will be there."

As the Poor Souls can not pray for themselves, only for us, Michael and I made a promise to each other.  We would pray for each other that our time in Purgatory would be short.

Please consider the Poor Souls for there are many that have no one to pray for them.  They are destitute and desperately in need of prayer.

Consider this:  During the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass all three Churches come together; The Church Triumphant (the Saints), The Church Militant (us), and The Church Suffering (The Poor Souls).

From Saint Ambrose comes this prayers: "We have loved him dearly during life.  Let us not abandon him until we have conducted him by our prayers into the house of the Lord."


Holy Mary, our Lady of Deliverance, pray for us and for the holy souls in purgatory.  Amen

~Cindy

Amish Insight

Well, being a little under the weather caused me to watch some TV yesterday.  I watched a documentary on the Amish.  Here is what I took away from it.

They believe as I do that we are just passing through this world.  They view the world as a place that attempts to draw them away from God.  If an activity or a device draws them away from God then they do not use it or engage in the activity.

It is interesting that I am noticing that I am drawn away from God by my electronics. Yes, my prayers and Divine Office are on there, but it is too easy to spend the day tapping and playing games. When was the last time that I stopped and thanked God for my day?

I listened to an Amish woman, who said that everything that she did during the day was a prayer to God.  She started the day in prayer with her family.  I too begin my day in prayer and offer my day to God.

This is what touched me and I have been meditating on it.  She said, " If I offer my day to God then even if I am washing dishes standing at the sink, my SOUL is KNEELING before God."

I love the image of my soul kneeling before God.  That is what it should be doing. No matter what happens today, no matter what obstacles my be in my way, no matter how I feel....my soul is kneeling before God.

~Cindy

Consider...

Consider it all joy, my brethren,
when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith
produces endurance.

James 1:2-3 

Afghans, Quilts, Transfusion, and Prayer

Blessings this past week.  A stranger to me and my husband, a member of my Mom's Bible Study, crocheted an Afghan for him.  It warms him when he is chilled and is a visual reminder of the many gifts that God sends via our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We needed the blessing when we were told that he is anemic and needed a transfusion to help out his bone marrow so that he can continue his chemo therapy.  Yes, it is a normal event when getting chemo, but it still felt like a step back, a bump in the road, a small intake of breath.

Yet as I was sitting with him and the blood that was a gift of another total stranger dripped in to his arm I noticed that his cheeks were getting pink!  It has been a long time since his cheeks have been pink.  A blessing, a gift, and answered prayer.

Sometimes my prayer life is in need of a transfusion.  It is a little rote. I need a little something to put some pink in my cheeks.  Lately it has been in the readings of the Divine Office and the addition of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to my morning prayer time.

A yet again a blessing from a stranger.  I won a quilt from my church.  It was a raffle to purchase gifts for the Christmas stockings for our Troops overseas and for the Warrior and Family Support Center at Fort Sam Houston.  Currently there are over 100 children of Wounded Warriors staying there.  My gift was small.

Lord, you have given me so much this week.  Three gifts and of course the greatest gift, The Holy Eucharist. You lift me up. You let your light shine on me in the darkness.  Thank YOU!

~Cindy

In the Waiting Room

I was feeling sad yesterday sitting in the waiting room with Michael.  They were running late with his chemo, so we sat and waited. The TV was on low and there was only one other person in the waiting room.  We were alone as we are even if the room is packed.   I was drawn to rub his back.  I am not sure if it was to comfort me or him.  Both of us, I suppose.  We sit quietly together and alone full of our own thoughts, fears and hopes.

They call us in.  We laugh with the nurses who shelter us with their smiles and good humor.  We welcome their jokes and hugs.  I love it that they always try to get Michael in his favorite chair.

Lord, help us as we pray in our own Garden of Gethsemane.   We too would gladly let this cup pass, but we accept your will.  Abandon us not, but strengthen our desire to embrace your cross as our own.  Amen

~Cindy

Getting Lost in the Busy

I was texting with my prayer partner last night.  She is feeling a little over busy and is concerned that she may be losing sight of her call.  It happens and I can relate.  In the Honeymoon phase when you are so on fire you sign up for every retreat, society and mission that you can work into your schedule.  You fill your day with commitments that are more about doing then about being.

Prayer becomes rote and there is little meaning.  Though in times of aridity it is right to continue praying.  We want to be careful not to become "whited sepulchers" more concerned about the Law than the Spirit of the Law.  We don't want to be: just seen praying.  We must pray!  But it is not important to let others always see or know that we are indeed praying.  We continually must evaluate our motivation.  It is a delicate balance.  I like to remember that Jesus often times appears to be overwhelmed by the crowds.  He takes time to go to a quiet place to pray.  We need to do that too.  Prayer is the battery charge that keeps us going and gives meaning to our lives.

So I was praying about my prayer partner this morning and I thought of Martha and Mary.  In Luke 10:38-42 we read:

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

I am a lot like Martha.  I run around and make sure that everything is as it should be and only stop when exhausted and a little upset that no one was helping me.  Though if I am honest they wouldn't do it the way I want it anyway.

I struggle to be like Mary.  I want to sit quietly at the feet of Jesus, but my mind starts to wander with all the things that I need to get done.  I am making mental lists of lists.  I find being quiet difficult!  I can hide in my busyness.  So I try and practice being quiet.  I try to listen.

So dear prayer partner if you want I am willing to change places though I think we both need to take a breath, go to a quiet place, and listen.  I believe that He is calling...

~Cindy

Novenas are Great Spiritual Life Vitamins

My prayer partner and I have been praying Novenas for about a year.  We take turns picking the one that we pray.  I feel that the Holy Spirit definitely leads us to the novena that will help us grow the most.

I went a little off the reservation and started a novena without including her.  She will find out if she is reading this blog.  Sorry, but it felt right to do this one solo.  Found a wonderful site that emails me daily with the prayer of the day.  It is great because then I don't have to remember which day I am on.  All I have to do is check my email, pray and I am on the correct day.

So this is the info on the next novena.

Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary
Starting on October 4th, I am joining more than 63,000 Catholics to pray the Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary for a special event coming up!
Pope Francis is planning a Marian Day celebration at the Vatican and at this event he plans to consecrate the world to the Immaculate Heart of Mary!
This event is on October 13th and PrayMoreNovenas.com is organizing a novena as a way for us to join in unity with the Holy Father and prepare for this event.
You can sign up for handy email reminders to get the the novena prayers here:
http://www.praymorenovenas.com/novena-immaculate-heart-mary
After you sign up, maybe you can help spread the word as well. God’s Mercy is abundant and overflowing, let’s share it!

Find the Original Here: http://www.praymorenovenas.com/your-site/#ixzz2gKMu8AmE

Please consider signing up and praying the Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.  Let's prepare our hearts for the upcoming Consecration of the World to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

~Cindy

My Grandparents came this morning

I am still riding on the high of being able to receive Holy Communion.  It is like a cloak that has settled on me.  It makes me warm and feel safe all at the same time.

This morning as I was praying the Rosary what I at first thought was a distraction turned in to such Grace!

I was just beginning the 3rd Glorious Mystery when the thought of my grandparents drifted across my mind.  Then this ache started in my heart and spread throughout my chest and then there was a warmness and tears began to fill my eyes and then I could smell them both.  Helen and John were there with me.  I still am tearing up when I think of them.

They had such faith.  My grandpa was gone much to soon from my physical life, but he has always been a guide for me.  Someone that I turn to when in trouble.  He has always comforted me.  Grandma, what can I say?  You who quietly professed your faith.  You went to daily Mass and yes you took me with you even when I was not so excited about going.  But you just kept on with praying your Rosary, attending daily Mass and being a witness to the grace of God.

So what I thought was a distraction turn into another Tender Mercy from my Beloved!

~Cindy

Distraction

Again I am pruning.  Pruning not only the trees and shrubs, but also my prayer life.  Like the trees that I pruned earlier you could see that it helped them grow up tall and straight reaching for the sky.  I am told that if you prune the sucker branches immediately that it helps the tree put it's growing energy into growing up and not into the little sucker branches that keep it short.

Sucker branches are like distractions in my prayer life.  There I was all pruned and growing straight and reaching for the heavens.  Then like the tree I found that I had sucker branches/distractions.  Before I start the Divine Office let me check my email and my Facebook, my bloglov'n feed.  As I am praying the Rosary, my mind wanders and I am thinking about what to make for dinner, the laundry that needs to be done, etc.

Distractions fill my day and I am like the child with ADD.  I can't sit still.  I am pulled in all directions and accomplish nothing.  I am sound and fury.

I am being pulled to the Cross.  It is a where my Beloved is.  It is there that I find comfort. But then I get distracted and look away.  When I look away I am scared and uncertain.  It is only when I am able to not only stand at the Cross, but to embrace the Cross that I am whole and not distracted.

So today on the Feast of the Triumph of the Cross as I was able to meditate this morning this thought came to me.

It is always the Cross.  You call us to it.  You ask us to not only stand there but to embrace it.  Our love story is the Cross!

~ Cindy

Day Three of my Retreat

Wow!  It has been a busy week.  I have driven to Las Vegas twice on business and that was tiring.

A Gift for my morning

The prayer for today is:

Come, Holy Spirit, living in Mary.
 Give me the grace to reject Satan and follow Christ more closely.

Yes, please give me the grace to reject Satan in all his forms.  My sharp tongue and impatience.  My quick anger.  My doubt.

How it must hurt you that I can lay down my Rosary and immediately be so angry at some small slight.  I want to offer this little things up, but I keep failing.

I again ask for your mercy and your grace.  Without them I am lost.

Responsory

At daybreak be merciful to me.
Make known to me the path I must walk.
At daybreak be merciful to me.

This Responsory spoke to me today.

  Lord, I am not sure of the path that you want me to take.  If I can quiet my heart and listen,  I know that You will show me.

At daybreak be merciful to me.

I am Angry

There I said it.  I said it to my sister yesterday.  What am I angry about?  I am angry that my husband is dying and there is nothing that I can do.  I am angry that he seems lost and hurt that he can't do the things he wants to do.  I am angry that I have to pick up the slack.  I am angry that we don't have the time together that we thought we had.  The anger comes and goes.  Some days it is replaced with fear, or confusion, or grief.

I remember the day that we got the diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer.  It was like being kicked in the gut.  This can't be real.  Some days even now I wake up and I think that it was all a bad dream.  But it isn't.  It is our reality.  I am not sure how to help him, so I pray.  I pray that he will have strength and peace.  I pray for myself, that God will keep my heart open to His love and that I will find meaning in this struggle. I pray to thank God for the time He has given us and continues to give to us.  I pray that each day I realize how blessed we are that we are alive and able to enjoy the day together.

Today as I was praying the Office a covey of quail came by and I remembered that He had His eye on them, so I know that He must have His eye on me.

Rachel of www.rachelwojo.com posted a prayer that spoke to me.  I will share it with you here:

a prayer for when you feel like giving up

Dear Jesus,

Sometimes the day can't pass quickly enough,

While others fly by at lighting speed.

I can't seem to keep up

With the pace of this world.

I'm tired Lord.

My heart is weary and my spirit is weak.

I'm trying my hardest

To take the next step

To keep trying

To move on.

But between me and you, Lord

I feel like giving up

Help me remember the reason I began

Help me see the purpose behind Your plan

Provide the necessary grace

Keep me set upon Your face

To find strength for that next step

To discover faith to keep trying

To pause for this moment

And then move on.

In Jesus name, Amen

~Cindy

Thoughts on the Confiteor

I am always humbled during the Confiteor.  The recitation reminds me of how humble I should be in the Presence of the Lord.

I confess to almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters,
(Boy am I relieved that I don't have to confess to each and everyone of you out loud.)

that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words,
(my greatest sins: thoughts and words.  Lord you know the sharpness of my tongue and all of my thoughts...)

In what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
(sins of omission...these are the ones that trip me up.  I know what is expected, but...)

through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault,
( Yes, I am admitting my fault three times and still it doesn't always seem adequate.)

therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angles and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord our God.
( I am not only asking. I am begging, pray for me! I want the heavenly switchboard to be lit up!)

May almighty God have mercy on us,
( Please be merciful.)

forgive us our sins,
( I long for your forgiveness.)

and bring us to everlasting life.
(Everlasting life, it is the goal.)

During each and every Mass we all stand together and admit our sins.  We ask for prayer, and forgiveness. We hope for God's mercy and everlasting life.

I place my trust in you, Lord.

Cindy~

Instant Happiness

There it was at the checkout line in Wal-Mart hanging among the cards for iTunes, AT&T, Cheese Cake Factory...Instant Happiness for only $25.00

I grabbed it thinking this is just what I need...happiness and instant no less.  Much to my chagrin it was for the Chipotle Restaurant.

So many times we want life to be easy.  Easy is good we think, but God has different plans.  He knows that we need struggle in our lives.  It seems that we grow most during the times of struggle.

When God had Moses leading the Israelites out in the desert he fed them with manna, provided water and the 10 Commandments.  And still they grumbled and whined and complained and then threw a party worshiping another god.  They were looking for Instant Happiness.

Every morning I pray the Divine Office.  The morning pray starts out:

God, come to my assistance.
-Lord, make haste to help me.

Yes, Lord make haste to help me for I am not doing such a good job lately.  I am angry, tired, frustrated, stuck, hurting and longing for some happiness.

So these are my intentions for the day:

Soften my sharp tongue for it cuts deep.
Lord, make haste to help me.

Help me to be patient.
Lord, make haste to help me.

Help me to offer up my small suffering, for yours was greater by far.
Lord, make haste to help me.

Help me to realize that I am not stuck, only standing in front of you, Lord waiting.
Lord, make haste to help me.

Help me to see that happiness is in me waiting for me to open the door.
Lord, make haste to help me. 

~Cindy