A Seat at the Table

When I was growing up there was always a place at the table for extra people.  I was so confident of this that I would on occasion invite people over for dinner and not tell my Mom.  She was gracious and made sure that some how she had enough to share.

Our dinner table was where we all sat down together.  We were not allowed to answer the phone or watch television.  It was a time to share our day.  We talked to each other.  We asked to be excused from the table when we were finished eating.  It was an important part of our day growing up.

I have often wondered what it would have been like to sit at the table with Our Lord.  This past week my prayer partner helped me to experience sitting at table with Our Lord in a very different way.

Yes, I know that when I am at Mass that I am invited to the Table of Our Lord in Holy Communion.  I take advantage of that great invitation as often as possible.  It is the Eucharist that sustains me.

But last week when I was so grieving Michael's death we went to the Grotto to pray our Rosary.  She had told me that there was a new "Jesus Table", but my mind could not even imagine what it would be like.

As we walked under the live oaks on the path to the grotto she instructed me to turn right and there He was.  Jesus was sitting at an empty table with open spots for all and any who wanted to join him.  I welled up with tears and a sense of peace came over me.  I wanted to sit right next to Him.  I wanted to touch Him.

There Jesus was breaking the bread with the cup in front of Him.  He assured me that there was a seat at the table for me.  I will admit that as I approached I thought about whether to sit on His right or His left.  But that thought left as a I
chose my place and sat with My Lord.

Oh Lord,
How can I thank You for all the blessing you bestow on me?
I come to you broken and empty,
It is You that fills me.
It is You that heals me.
It is You that offers me a seat at Your Table.


~Cindy

I, Paul...

I, Paul, am already being poured out like a libation, and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. 
 2 Timothy 6-8

Here I am Lord at the six month mark of Michael's passing.  It has hit me hard.  Half a year is gone and I feel like I am standing on the side of the road without directions.  The road ahead seems endless and oh so lonely.  And yet, I feel such great comfort when I meditate on You.

I am really not alone.  I have You in the Sacrament of the Eucharist.  I have You in the Sacrament of Confession.  You are the air that I breath, the warmth of the sun on my face.  You are with me when I gather with my small community and we pray together.

Michael was like a libation being poured out.  I look at pictures in chronological order and I can see him being poured out.  He knew that the time of his departure was at hand.  He competed so well and with such heart.  He finished the race and he kept the faith.

Lord,
You alone are my cup and my portion.
You alone are my companion.
You lead me by the still waters
You quiet the beating of my heart.

I am nothing but the clay sitting on the wheel,
I am nothing but the yarn in the weaver's hand,
I am the empty vessel waiting for You to fill me.
Amen

~Cindy

I Want a Plan

God, I want a plan.  I need a plan.  I am the girl who always knows what her next step is and where I am headed and what I want to do.  It feels wrong to just be sitting here in limbo yet again.

Then gently and slowly He pulls the scales from my eyes and says with such love, " Oh my daughter, I have a plan and it is unfolding just as it needs to.  Do not be in a hurry to move on, for there are lessons here for you to learn.  Haven't I given you fellowship?  Haven't I comforted you?  Haven't I given you time to pray and to ponder my love and mercy? Haven't I opened my Sacred Heart and let you lay there?  Haven't I come to you in the Holy Eucharist?  Haven't I sent my own mother to be your mother and comforter?  What more can you want?"

So this is the plan.  I am doing it.  I am moving forward.  I have everything that I need and more.

~Cindy