All week the concept of humility has been playing in my head like a broken record. Our Lord it seems has taken many opportunities to humble me. I wish that I could report that I was grateful, alas, I was chaffed and complained.
Perhaps it was watching Pope Francis in his simplicity and humility that made me look at myself. The Pope, like my sister has a way of saying hard truths in a gentle way and then quietly guides you to the right path. Me, I like to take a more direct approach that can be intimidating and irritating and not humble at all. I have struggled with this all my life. I like to be right. I want you to believe that I am right and most of all I want you to do it my way! This is not to say that I am not without compassion. I am more like the bull in the china shop.
I have been having a difficult time getting back to my routine. I am restless and at loose ends. This is a difficult time of year for my historically. I struggle with depression and feelings of worthlessness. I miss Michael more than I can say. I feel that I am sitting in the pit. Then one of my sons sent this to me:
God found Gideon in a hole. He found Joseph in prison. He found Daniel in a lion's den. He has a curious habit of showing up in the midst of trouble, not the absence. Where the world sees failure, God sees future. Next time you feel unqualified to be used by God remember this. He tends to recruit from the pit, not the pedestal.
Today Father Michael with his wonderful Irish brogue gave the homily. He reminded us that we can't wait to the end to get ready for eternal life. We mustn't think that we are insured because we go to Mass. We must humble ourselves and be like little children. We must do all things with humility and in preparation for eternal life.
Lord, here I am,
in the pit.
Help me to trust that You will
lift me up. Lift me up and use me,
an empty vessel to do Your will,
NOT mine.
~Cindy
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