Hosanna and Happy Palm Sunday

"Who am I to judge?"
- Pope Francis

Palm Sunday and I was allowed the honor of reading as the Speaker during the Gospel.  It is always moving to read the Passion of Our Lord and to celebrate His triumphant entry into Jerusalem.  Though we all know that treachery was being plotted by the chief priests and the scribes.

We are also reminded that Jesus was surrounded by the undesirables of His time.  Lepers, prostitutes and tax collectors to name a few.   Even His Apostles had their faults.  Peter denies Him, Thomas doubts, Judas betrays Him and the others have their own issues.

Jesus was not an excluder.  He was including.  He accepted each of them and each of us for who and what we are, warts and all.  He knows the secret recesses of our hearts and still loves us!  How amazing.

So I am troubled that we are still the rabble that asks for Barabbas, a murderer.  We want to use religious freedom to exclude and deny other humans.  We stand beside the chief priests and scribes and use the letter of the law to hurt our fellow humans.

Have we forgotten that Jesus is about forgiveness?  He, as far as I can remember, turns to the accused and forgives them and asks that they sin no more.  He did not stone the prostitute or the adulteress.  He did not walk away from the leper.  No, He embraced the sinner.  He came for the sinner.  I fear that if He came and walked among us today He would find that not much has changed.

Lord,
I am ashamed that I continue to sin.
I constantly seek your forgiveness, 
even when I am not willing to forgive my neighbor.

Help me to truly pray the words of the Our Father,
keeping in mind that I ask you to forgive me as I forgive others.
Let me not hide behind the letter of the law.  Let my heart be open.

~Cindy

A backpack, St. Augustine, Lily and Gracie

"You have so made us, Lord, that we long for you, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
-St. Augustine of Hippo

Lent is still confusing this year for me.  I am not sure what I am suppose to do.  So I am attempting to TRUST!

Cynthia left today for two months in Europe.  Helping her pack her backpack was frustrating, painful, and a reminder that I will be alone in this small but empty house.  I have not been alone in over 40 years!!!  I find the thought both exhilarating and terrifying.  I do not have to compromise with anyone but me.  Though compromise is the salt of life. Cynthia certainly kept me on my toes.  She kept me honest and humble.

St. Augustine struggled so hard to know God.  I think that is why he speaks to me.  What a great sinner, but what an incredible Saint.  The other aspect of St. Augustine is his longing for silence.  He is attracted to the beauty of the world and yet he longs to close his eyes from it so that he can see God.

My Mom shares with me stories of her Bible Study Group.  Really she asks me to pray for them, especially when one is in trouble or hurting.  Lily, I hope that Mom shares this with you.  I understand that your sister, Gracie has recently passed away and there is a hole in your heart.  I get that.  I still find myself examining the hole in my heart since Michael's passing.  Will it fill?  I do not know.  I am not sure that the hole is suppose to fill.  Instead, perhaps,  we are to learn from the emptiness that it brings us.  How can we be so sad when a loved one leaves us?  Are they not on their way to Heaven? Are they not closer to God than we?  Should we not be celebrating their reaching eternal life?

I am sure of this, when Our Blessed Mother stood at the foot of the cross and looked on the body of her son, I know there was a hole in her heart!  When she understood that He was resurrected the human side of her I am sure still had a hole.  He was her son, her baby.  She looked forward to being with Him in Heaven.  I look forward to being with Michael.

My prayer for the rest of Lent is borrowed from St. Augustine.

He bids you return to Him,
to that place within,
where peace abides,
peace that is never disturbed;
to that place from which 
Love never departs,
unless you depart from it.
Make your home in that place.


~Cindy

Metamorphosis

Let us become saints so that after having been together on earth, we may be together in Heaven.
~ St. Padre Pio

This Lenten Season has not been what I planned. I am sure though that it has been and will be what God has planned for me.

First, I fractured my foot and being on crutches and a cane and now possibly a boot is a humbling experience.  I had Plans!  Now I am dependent on others to help me out and it is slow going.

Second, because of my foot I was unable to attend the Lenten Mission at Church and I was really looking forward to hearing Fr. Foley.

Thirdly, I gave up Facebook with the expectation that it would be hard and somehow change me.  Then I started to read several Catholic Bloggers that stated extremely compelling reasons why one should NOT give up social media, but embrace it as an agent for change.  Too late, I am committed.  I must admit that has not been hard and I feel no change, however, God does tend to have His own mystifying time table for such things.

I know my prayer partner was concerned that my posts were only slightly behind the number of another friend on her wall.   She was concerned.  Perhaps she should have been.  I fear that she believed that I was frittering away my day with hitting the "like" button and sharing a little too much.  It was not getting in the way of my prayer life or my conversation with God.  It was a filler when I was waiting to go to Mass or waiting for an appointment.  But none the less I gave it up because I felt drawn to it.

But what does all this have to do with metamorphosis?  Well, the Transfiguration has always stumped me somehow.  I didn't get it.   Then Fr. Charlie used the word metamorphosis instead of transfiguration.  The clouds parted and understanding hit me over the head.

I have often spoken about how Michael was transformed.  The truth is that all of us who knew him were transformed.  His transfiguration allowed each and everyone of us to learn a lesson.   A lesson on how to die with Grace and Dignity.  A lesson on how not to complain about the hand we are dealt in life.  A lesson on how to embrace and forgive and love.  How to be the person that God intends for us to be.

Christ allowed them to see His Divinity shine through His Humanity.  He gave them a glimpse of who He was and is.  They, like me, didn't get it.  God in His Mercy shields us from His Big Plan.  He knows how it would terrify us.  Instead He gives  glimpses and riddles that we have difficulty with understanding.  Though in hind sight it is clear.  He is God.  He loves us.

Lord,
I stand before you
in a bit of a muddle.

Help me to remember that You are the Planner
and I am only an empty vessel that You fill.

Help me in my metamorphosis...

~Cindy

Lent

Pay no attention to the affairs of others, whether they be good or bad, for besides the danger of sin, this is a cause of distractions and lack of spirit.
-St. John of the Cross


I did not want to give up Facebook for Lent, but it was the first thing that popped into my head.  Then I shared that with significant people in my life.  Then I tried to back track and think of something else.  No matter where I was or what I was doing the Holy Spirit was most insistent that giving up Facebook would be the most meaningful.

I just posted on Facebook that I was giving it up for Lent.  Now it is official.

Fr. Charlie reminds us that it is not what we do or what we give up for Lent.  It is important that we DO something.

Lately I have been feeling a little lost at sea, drifting with the current, but not interested in much.  My intention is to pay more attention to my relationship with God, open my ears and my heart and let God do the talking.

I hope that what ever you decide to do for Lent that it is a time of strengthening your relationship with God.

Lord,
Here I am
Not too happy with your suggestion
But willing to Trust that You do know best.

Here I am....

~Cindy

I am a worrier!

"All things that are now worrying you can be put into a smile which shows your love of God."
St. Josemaria Escriva


I just returned from some time in Mexico.  It was   a wonderful relaxing time full of walking, amazing food and company beyond compare.

It was the first time I have flown since Michael passed.  I do not like to fly.  I worry and become so anxious.  But I did it.  It was not until I was in Mexico that I came to realize just how tightly I was wound and needed just to relax and breathe.

Each day the Catholic Church at the bottom of an extremely steep cobblestone hill rang the bells at ten minutes to the hour for Mass.  The priest would barely leave the altar and he would return to say the next Mass.  None of the Masses were crowded, yet the bells pealed all the same calling us to Mass or reminding us that Mass was being said.  The doors were open and passersby would peek in or steal a photo and just stand in the door.

I worried that I would not be able to follow along in Spanish but they provided a small four page pamphlet that I was able to follow quite easily.  I was worried that I would not be able to join in any of the singing, but low and behold the Communion song was one of my favorite songs.  In fact, it was the Communion song I had picked for Michael's Memorial Mass.  It was as if Our Lord was telling me see, I really am every where and I really do care about the smallest of your concerns.

Now I am back and a good week away from Mexico. Slowly slipping into my usual routine.  Now I am worried about my up coming trip.  Why?  I don't know.  I do know this.  It was easy to be confident in my opinions and decisions when Michael was there to be my sounding board.  Now I must stand on my own two feet.  For the first time since I was in High School I do not have a man in my daily life.  No one that I am dating, or thinking about dating.  No one that I am married to.  Just me, Cindy.

I am learning who I am and where I want to go.  I am learning what kind of person I want to be.  I am learning to rely on me.  It is so different when you can't say that your partner led you one way or the other.  It is easy to dismiss them and their opinions when you know that they will be there to pick you up.  It is easier when they know that you worry about every little thing and they assure you that you are doing alright.

I know that sometimes Michael must chuckle or laugh out loud at me and some of my foolishness.  I still talk to him and know that I always will.  I am getting stronger.

Lord,
You know how I worry and fret,
You know my lack of trust.
Help me to let go and trust you.
You would think by now I would know
that Your plan always outshines mine.

~Cindy

Good Morning

Here am I Lord; I come to do your will.
~Psalm 40 8a & 9a


The sunrise evoked two immediate thoughts this morning. First, thank you God for the incredible beauty you bestow and secondly, Good Morning Michael.

Here I am, one year and one month after Michael's passing.  I can't believe it.  Life is moving on and the sun keeps rising and setting and I am making plans.  In fact, I am going to Mexico.  There is serendipity to this trip.  Mexico was the first destination that Michael and I traveled to as a couple.  I am going to the same town but with different people.  Though I know that Michael will be with me as he is in every journey that I embark on.

Samuel was called in the middle of the night by the Lord to begin his journey.  The Gospel today reminds us that Jesus walked and John saw Him and announced, "Behold, the Lamb of God."  And two disciples began their journey.  Andrew tells his brother Simon, "We have found the Messiah."  Thus Peter begins his journey.

We are all called.  Some are knocked off their horses because that is the only thing they understand.  Others hear God in the silence of the night or a whisper in their heart. Some in the echo of longing.

The call by God echo down the centuries.  We repeat the words spoken by the Angel Gabriel to Mary with each Hail Mary.  Ancient words spoken by many mouths daily and hourly.  Mary's yes was and is an example to all to answer God's call to each of us.

Lord,
Here am I Lord; wanting to do your will.
wanting to echo Mary's yes.

~Cindy

The Devil is Suttle

"We lose your souls not only because we do evil things, but because we neglect to do good: the buried talent, the unmarked second mile, the passing by the wounded.  How often in the Gospel condemnation follows because we do nothing."
- Venerable Fulton Sheen

I have been tired lately.  Not because of physical labor, just tired.  I am anxious for life to move forward, but aware that I must not wish away a single moment.  I somedays feel like I am swimming against the tide along an unending shoreline.  The devil knows I am tired and he is attempting to use that against me.  When I think about not going to Mass during the week, he encourages me to hit the snooze button or to think what difference does it make?  When I think about breaking promises or lazily reciting my prayers he is working on me.

 I NEED Mass and my prayers.  They keep me grounded and start my day off with thanksgiving and a sense that I can handle anything that comes up during the day.

The devil loves Facebook.  He can use it to anger me, but more importantly it is a time waster.  What did my Grandma say? "Idle hands are the devils workshop."  She was and is right.  Flicking through the countless posts and videos of cats and political rants I find that hours can slip away and at the end of the day what do I have to show for it? Not much.

I am aware that I have become a virtual hoarder on Pinterest.  Instead of pinning and dreaming and wishing I need to just get out there and do something!

So I am.  The devil can taunt me with glossy pages of ideas and blood boiling posts and hours of wasted time, but I am going to get up and do something.

I believe that I will start with Mass.  Not because it is Sunday, not because it is a Holy Day of Obligation...because I NEED it.

Lord
I know that you love me and protect me,
Help me today to be aware of my wasteful moments.
Help me to fill my days with things pleasing to you.

~Cindy