I am trying to trust. I keep coming back to; Trusting in the Lord. Being the kind of person that likes lists, plans and Being in Charge. Trust is and has been a big issue for me. I know...if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. I am sure that He is rolling on the floor laughing.
He also knows that this limbo that I am living in is so extremely painful for me. I can't make a list, a plan and I am definitely NOT in charge. I am a blubbering mass of sorrow and grief. I am a quivering ball of emotions. I am in fear of imploding on myself. And then ever so gently Jesus hits me right between the eyes with a 2X4. HE has a list, a plan, and HE is in Charge! He knows that I am worried. He knows that I am afraid. He knows how much pain I am in right now. All he asks is that I trust Him.
Father Charlie reminded us today that all the readings were about people worried about their futures and what was in store for them. The message, then as now, is Trust in Me. St. Faustina heard the message from Jesus. It was then and is now, Trust in Me.
So here I am Lord in all my tears and fears trying my ultimate best to Trust. To trust that the plan you have for me is so much better than any thing that I could image or hope for myself. To trust that You truly are carrying me in Your arms and if I would just relax it would be all better.
So to once again borrow from Father Charlie: "You don't worry about what the future holds, when you know who holds the future."
I put my worries in your hands. I am putting down my lists and plans and being in charge. Help me to Trust that You have the ultimate plan for me. Help me to wait in Joy for that revelation.