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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Mercy of God

Our God is a merciful God.  Sometimes it is hard to remember that when He sends more trials and tribulations than you think you can handle or even deserve.

I know that I can't handle the trails that He has sent me.  But I do have faith that He is there with me every step of the way.  If I can learn to surrender my plan and be still, He will hold me up and wrap me in His arms.

Deserve.  That is an interesting word.  How foolish I am if I think that I do not deserve trails and tribulations.  If the Son of God could humble Himself and become man and be crucified than certainly I can take a small portion.

And then He shows me a small wonder.  A flower in bloom, the sun rising, the moon setting.  A small wonder, I think not.  Only daily reminders that He is here with us.  I know that I can not make a flower bloom, or the sun rise, or the moon set.  But I can acknowledge His Tender Mercies.


Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Two Months

Today is the two month anniversary of Michael's death.  I find that I am in a void.  I am going through the motions of doing things.  Yes, I have things that make me smile and I laugh out loud and find Joy in each day...yet there is an emptiness.

So many offer to have me call and talk or go to lunch and talk, but I don't really want to talk.  It is still too private and sacred.  Truth be told right now it doesn't really help.  I am more than the crying jags that sneak up on me or the overwhelming loneliness that is my companion.

So God in his infinite Mercy led me to pick up the Word Among Us.  Filled with articles and meditations today it spoke to me.

Safe in Joseph's Arms, reminded me that he is the Patron Saint of Departing Souls..  I am sure that he was in the room as Michael left us.  Here is a prayer to St. Joseph:

Oh, St. Joseph, I never weary of contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms; I dare not approach while he reposes near your heart.  Press him in my name and kiss his fine head for me and ask him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath.  St. Joseph, Patron of Departing Souls, pray for me.

Supported by the Saints also reminded me of just how much I have always depended on the Saints to intercede for me.  I was moved by the prayer of St. Francis de Sales.  It is about facing change.  Change is difficult.  Even change that we want is difficult.  Here is the prayer:

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life; rather look to them full of hope as they arise.  God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things.  And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in his arms.  Do not fear what may happen tomorrow.  The same everlasting Father who cared for you today will take care of you then and every day.

Like the author, I will put these words on my mirror so that I am reminded NOT to fear change.  For the everlasting Father has me safely in His arms.


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Angels Among Us

Today's reading is from Isaiah 58:10

If you bestow your bread on the hungry
and satisfy the afflicted;
Then light shall rise for you in the darkness,
and the gloom shall become for you like midday.

Of late I have been meditating on the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy.  This Sunday's Readings and the songs reflected just how we are to live our lives by being examples in the world.  We often say that there are angels among us and I have proof.  Angles have been working in my life for a long time, but of late I have been making them work overtime.

Who are these angels?  They are the countless strangers that prayed for Michael and I during his illness and after his passing.  They are the friends and family who reached out in ways that I can not even begin to remember or thank fully.

Michael always called my sister his Guardian Angel.  She was and she continues to care for him and for me.  She provides me with bread and meals every weekend.  I take my Widow's Bag as does her sister-in-law and her family fills it with leftovers from the meal that they just shared with us.  Now we have meals for two more days.  My sister's family let's me laugh and talk and remember Michael.  I feel loved.

My parents who stayed with Michael, Cynthia and I during that last month of his life.  Who were there with us each hour and moment as he passed.  They stood beside me to uplift me, to grieve with me, to care for me.

My daughter, Cynthia who slept with me those first few very lonely nights and puts up with my moods and neediness.  My daughter, Sarah who calls me and lets me know she is thinking of me.

My brothers who have always been there for me.  Even though miles separate us, we close in heart.

And last but not least, my prayer partner.  Her ongoing love and prayers have been a lifeline for me.  The day after Michael's internment she opened her house as a refuge.  She cooked, she mothered, she let me sit in silence or talk as needed.  You are my angel and my Martha.

So are there angels among us if only we open our eyes.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Amish Insight

Well, being a little under the weather caused me to watch some TV yesterday.  I watched a documentary on the Amish.  Here is what I took away from it.

They believe as I do that we are just passing through this world.  They view the world as a place that attempts to draw them away from God.  If an activity or a device draws them away from God then they do not use it or engage in the activity.

It is interesting that I am noticing that I am drawn away from God by my electronics. Yes, my prayers and Divine Office are on there, but it is too easy to spend the day tapping and playing games. When was the last time that I stopped and thanked God for my day?

I listened to an Amish woman, who said that everything that she did during the day was a prayer to God.  She started the day in prayer with her family.  I too begin my day in prayer and offer my day to God.

This is what touched me and I have been meditating on it.  She said, " If I offer my day to God then even if I am washing dishes standing at the sink, my SOUL is KNEELING before God."

I love the image of my soul kneeling before God.  That is what it should be doing. No matter what happens today, no matter what obstacles my be in my way, no matter how I soul is kneeling before God.