Praying the Our Father

The Our Father is one prayer that seems to cross all lines of denominations.  I have been praying it a lot these days.  As I pray it I tremble when contemplating what I am truly asking for when I say:

"And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

These are powerful words.  Do I really want God to forgive me in the same manner that I forgive those that have hurt me, made me angry, trespassed against me? No.  I want him to be more forgiving, but truly I am the one that needs to be more like him.  He has forgiven me much and I am quite sure that he will forgive me much in the future.

In my hurt and my anger, justified though it may have been He led me to this quote:

A moment of patience
in a moment of anger.

Prevents a thousand
moments of regret.

Ali Ibn Abi Talib

Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane cut off the ear of one of the guards.  Jesus healed the guard.  He asked Peter to put down his sword and I am putting down mine.

Lord Your Word is a Lamp to My Soul

Psalm 37

Do not fret because of the wicked;
 do not envy those who do evil:
 for they wither quickly like grass and fade like the green of the fields.
 
If you trust in the Lord and do good,
then you will live in the land and be secure.
If you find your delight in the Lord,
he will grant your heart’s desire.
 
Commit your life to the Lord,
trust in him and he will act,
so that your justice breaks forth like the light,
your cause like the noon-day sun.
 
Be still before the Lord and wait in patience;
do not fret at the man who prospers;
a man who makes evil plot 
to bring down the needy and the poor.
 
Calm your anger and forget your rage;
do not fret, it only leads to evil.
For those who do evil shall perish;
the patient shall inherit the land.
 
A little longer–and the wicked shall have gone.
Look at his place, he is not there.
But the humble shall own the land
and enjoy the fullness of peace.

~Cindy
 

Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother

Lord, you know that I didn't sleep much last night.  You also know that every time I woke up I was angry and hurt.  I feel so betrayed.

How can a child take advantage of a dying confused parent?  How can they put their own selfish desires and wants ahead of others?

Lord, I want to throw over tables like you did with the Money Changers in the Temple.  I want to throw the tablets like Moses did when he came down from the mountain.  I want justice.  I want to scream at the unfairness of it all.  But most of all I want the anger and hurt to go away.  I don't want to drive a wedge any further in this relationship.

Help me Lord to hold my tongue in my anger.  Help me to listen to your guidance.  Give me the words I need to express myself clearly and express my disappointment in our sons behavior.  Help me to remember that my call is to provide a sacred cocoon of love for my husband as he faces his final days. Help me to not seek revenge, but to also not be a doormat.

Lord, Help Me.....

~Cindy

They Came

Lord you know how afraid I was to make the call and ask for help.  I want to be strong, but you tell me that I am only strong in my weakness.

So the call for help was made and they came to comfort and support.  To laugh and talk.  To mourn.  What a witness to your great love for us; that you show us in our own families the truth of your mercy.  You show us daily that there are many "Simons" that help us carry our cross.

So as I gather myself for another day I look to you and Your Mother for the grace to put myself second.

My heart is ever pleading, show me your face.

I long to gaze upon you, Lord.
 

~Cindy

You Send What We Need

Lord you know how hard yesterday was. It was long and difficult and full of speed bumps that disheartened us.  But it was also full of Mercies and Friendship.

I found this prayer and it summed it up.

Prayer for All Who Carry Their Cross

Oh my God, I thank you for this cross you have allowed me to carry.

Please give me the strength and faith to perservere so that I may bring glory to your name

while withstanding the burden of its weight.

Thank you for offering me a share in your suffering.  

I know that you have always been, are now, and ever will be,

at my side every step of the way.

Thank you also for every "Simon" that you have sent to help me bear this cross.

I have prayed so often that this thorn in my flesh would be removed,

but I trust that your grace is sufficient.  

Change my heart's troubled cry of,

"How long, O Lord",

into words of trust:

"However long, O Lord."

May I seek only to do your will and to unite my sufferings with your passion.

Help me to not get lost in my own self concerns, but may I find in these trials

a way to greater virtue, 

a call to prayer and a path to trust in you alone.

Permit me not to waste my pain,

but to make of these struggles a sacrificial offering for others.

Lord, when I am weary and I fall,

exhausted under the weight of this cross,

please give me the courage to press on as you did.

Lord Jesus, I embrace with love my cross,

as a share in your own.

By your grace, may I carry it all the way to the vision of your glory.

I abandon myself totally to your will.

Christ Jesus, I trust in you.

Amen

Pedro de la Cruz 2012

To all the "Simons" in my life.

Thank you!

~Cindy

The Night

We had a hard night Lord.  Anxiety covered us like a dark cloud and we shivered in our fear.  We couldn't lay in the bed and be comforted.

We sat in the living room with the fireplace going, he in his recliner covered with his afghan and I in a chair drawn close to him.  We sat in the glow of the fire and I rubbed his back.  Fear was in the room. We had no words to say, no comfort to give, and then he asked, "Can we pray the Rosary together?"

So we sat in the night with our Rosaries in hand and prayed the ancient words together.  We offered up our fear and asked that you take it or help us carry it.  We are unable to do this alone.  Finally he said he was able to lay back in bed.

We are bound together with you, Lord.  We are nothing without you, Lord.  Help us in our fear.

~Cindy

The Stone in My Heart

Lord, there is a stone in my heart.  It feels so heavy today.  It is more like the boulders that dot the landscape.

Then there is the young girl, who looked to be in her late twenties in the doctor's office.  She was almost running as she left.  The tears were streaming down her face and her mother followed behind looking stunned.  My heart went out to them and I asked you to show Your Merciful Face.  To fold them in Your Arms.  To comfort them.

I ask you to comfort us as we struggle with this cross you have given to us.  Help us Lord to keep getting up when we stumble.  Help us as we stand empty before You, with nothing more to offer.

Help me to remember that tears are prayer also.

Lord, there is a stone in my heart.

~Cindy

Sitting in the Shadow of Death

We are all sitting in the shadow of death, but of late I am more aware of just how transient our time in this world is.  We complain about our lives and bemoan perceived hurts.  We argue over the mundane and make mountains out of mole hills.

Yesterday as I sat watching blood flow into the veins of my husband who is courageously battling cancer I sat in the shadow of death and kept watch.

 The nurses encourage you to stay or leave as you desire, but I can't bring myself to leave him and do the mundane daily tasks that await me at home.  I don't know how much longer we have together and every moment is precious.  So I sit and watch the blood flow and him sleep and listen in to conversations on the other side of the curtain.  I read my Divine Office, pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and pray the Rosary.  I feel a sense of peace as I call on heaven to help us.

I no longer pray for a miracle, though I would gladly take one.  I pray that we have courage and grace to accept the Will of God.  I pray that we can be a witness to others of God's great mercy.

So today as I picked up my prayers I was drawn to these parts of the Morning Prayer.

Responsory
At daybreak, be merciful to me.– At daybreak, be merciful to me.
Make known to me the path that I must walk.– Be merciful to me.

Luke 1:78-79
In the tender compassion of our God 
the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace.  

~Cindy 

The Tale of Two Rosaries

How blessed I am to have a prayer partner.  Someone that on a daily basis comes together with me across the miles to pray the rosary every morning and to close the day with me in prayer.

How blessed I am that she came with her husband to visit us.  We were ready for a visit.  A time to feel normal, to laugh and for a little while forget that we have a large cross to carry.  Their visit made it lighter.

So of course we had to look at our Rosaries.  Independently of each other we had purchased Rosaries from the same vendor in Oklahoma that hand-makes lovely stone Rosaries.  We had a good laugh about that and how great minds think alike.

Our Rosaries

We were able to talk about how God lifts us up and gives just what we need in times of trouble.  We talked of God's Grace in our lives and how he continues to weave the tapestry of our lives and expose the true heart of each of us.

We talked of the goodness of God in his continuing healing of Michael's heart and how courageous he is in the face of this cancer that is stealing him from us, but guiding him to a reward that we can only imagine.

We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we ate, we celebrated that fact God had placed us in each other's lives.

As I struggle with my own sorrow I was reminded of words by Saint Therese of Lisieux.

~ Cindy

Feast of All Souls

November my month!  I love this month not only because it is my birth month but because of the way it starts.

First the Solemnity of all Saints and then All Souls Day.  Today we remember all who have gone before us and ask Our Lord to shine His perpetual light on them.

Just a few of the souls I especially remember today and every day.

John & Helen Bonham
George & Sarah Smith
Larry Allen Paddock
David Wayne Lawson
John Frank Bonham
James Samuel Paddock

and the Poor Souls in Purgetory

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen

~Cindy

Solemnity - All Saints Day

I love this Holy Day of Obligation.  I think about all the Saints in Heaven with God singing His praises and hopefully putting in a small good word for me.

Lately I have been feeling small and empty.  I am distracted in my prayers.  There is no comfort to be found and yet, I continue to pray.  Every saint that I have ever read about has felt empty and small and distracted.  Some for years or decades.  Yet, they continued to pray.

In case you may be wondering, I know that I am NO saint.  Not yet anyway!  I hope to be one.  I long to be one.  I pray to be one.  So I look to my go to Saints for guidance.

St Therese the Little Flower - a simple all encompassing love was her's.  She offered herself as an empty vessel to the good God.  She saw Jesus' arms as elevators to Heaven and longed to throw herself into them.

St Jude - Impossible Cases. That's me all over.  You have gotten me through some tough stuff.

St Anthony of Padua - Finder of lost articles.  You not only have found things I have lost, you helped me find me!

The Blessed Mother - My mother in Heaven.  I put my trust in your continued love in full knowledge that you will lead me to your Son.

On this Solemnity of All Saints I am reminded:

Ephesians 2:8-9:

 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.