Sunday, February 28, 2016
And my Knee HURTS
-St. Francis de Sales
I am feeling like a little whiney baby complaining about my knee pain. It hurts. It has been hurting for a long time now. It is exhausting somedays just to sit. So I finally got into see the Orthopedic Doctor the other day. I wanted the doctor to tell me that I was going to get a new knee.
Instead I was told that we would be trying cortisone injections. Not that my knee is not a candidate for surgery, it is. We need to try this first. So I got the injection. Then I hobbled out to the car and laid my head on the steering wheel and sobbed.
What just happened? I did not get the outcome that I thought I was going to get. Instead I was told I needed to do this other thing first. No the injections will not cure what is wrong with my knee. In fact, if and when the injections do not work then yes, I will get a new knee. I believe the words he used were, "The golden age for knees is 65." Small comfort when you can't walk to do your grocery shopping, or pick up you mail, or drive!
I am a couple of days away from the trauma of the visit and I have a different take on things. No, I still am not really satisfied, however, I was reminded that even a new knee is not a guarantee that I will be pain free. I am not looking to be pain free. I just want to be able to function.
Then Matthew Kelly reminded me in his video on Making Sense of Suffering that only our Catholic/Christian faith adequately explains suffering. Suffering has value. Suffering has value when we offer it up with Jesus' suffering where it will be perfected. Not sure that I was willing to offer up my suffering initially. Still struggling actually.
I know that I am never going to feel the way I did before. I am going to be inconvenienced. I am going to be in pain. It is what I do with that pain that is important.
my knee hurts,
I want to offer it up with Your suffering.
Help me to see this as an opportunity to
join You in Your suffering.
Remind me to look at You on the cross
and be silent.