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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

A backpack, St. Augustine, Lily and Gracie

"You have so made us, Lord, that we long for you, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
-St. Augustine of Hippo





Lent is still confusing this year for me.  I am not sure what I am suppose to do.  So I am attempting to TRUST!

Cynthia left today for two months in Europe.  Helping her pack her backpack was frustrating, painful, and a reminder that I will be alone in this small but empty house.  I have not been alone in over 40 years!!!  I find the thought both exhilarating and terrifying.  I do not have to compromise with anyone but me.  Though compromise is the salt of life. Cynthia certainly kept me on my toes.  She kept me honest and humble.

St. Augustine struggled so hard to know God.  I think that is why he speaks to me.  What a great sinner, but what an incredible Saint.  The other aspect of St. Augustine is his longing for silence.  He is attracted to the beauty of the world and yet he longs to close his eyes from it so that he can see God.

My Mom shares with me stories of her Bible Study Group.  Really she asks me to pray for them, especially when one is in trouble or hurting.  Lily, I hope that Mom shares this with you.  I understand that your sister, Gracie has recently passed away and there is a hole in your heart.  I get that.  I still find myself examining the hole in my heart since Michael's passing.  Will it fill?  I do not know.  I am not sure that the hole is suppose to fill.  Instead, perhaps,  we are to learn from the emptiness that it brings us.  How can we be so sad when a loved one leaves us?  Are they not on their way to Heaven? Are they not closer to God than we?  Should we not be celebrating their reaching eternal life?

I am sure of this, when Our Blessed Mother stood at the foot of the cross and looked on the body of her son, I know there was a hole in her heart!  When she understood that He was resurrected the human side of her I am sure still had a hole.  He was her son, her baby.  She looked forward to being with Him in Heaven.  I look forward to being with Michael.

My prayer for the rest of Lent is borrowed from St. Augustine.

He bids you return to Him,
to that place within,
where peace abides,
peace that is never disturbed;
to that place from which 
Love never departs,
unless you depart from it.
Make your home in that place.


~Cindy

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