Not a Perfect Partner..

"We cannot separate love for God from love for man. We acknowledge God easily, but our brother?  Those with whom we do not identify in his background, education, race, complexion.  We could not have imagined that love for God could be so hard."
 -St. Edith Stein

Todays first reading came from the book of Genesis.  It is the story of God creating woman out of the rib of man.  Father reminded us that God made a suitable partner for man. God did not make a perfect partner for man. This was so that together they would grow in love, understanding and support of each other.

Father related a Sufi Muslim story about two friends, who over coffee discussed why one of them had never married.  The man explained that he had met many women that he thought would be the perfect partner.  Yet, each time he found some fault with them.  He claimed that only once he had met the perfect woman.  "So why did you not marry her?"asked his friend.  His reply, "She was looking for the perfect man."

It brought tears to my eyes.  Michael and I certainly were not perfect partners.  We were in fact suitable partners.  It took us awhile to figure that out.  We spent many years lamenting that our partner was not perfect.  In the end though we looked at each other with new eyes.  Eyes that saw the truth of our suitability and love for each other.  Michael thank you for being my suitable partner.  You taught me so many things.  You were my rock, my number one cheerleader, and my friend.

Lord, again You have
shown me the truth of Your ways.
Help me to see you in each person I met.
Help me to see that their imperfection are only
a reflection of my own imperfection.
~Cindy

Humility

If you should ask me the ways of God, I would tell you that the first is humility, the second is humility, and the third is still humility.  Not that there are no other precepts to give, but if humility does not precede all that we do, our efforts are fruitless. - St. Augustine

All week the concept of humility has been playing in my head like a broken record.  Our Lord it seems has taken many opportunities to humble me.  I wish that I could report that I was grateful, alas, I was chaffed and complained.

Perhaps it was watching Pope Francis in his simplicity and humility that made me look at myself.  The Pope, like my sister has a way of saying hard truths in a gentle way and then quietly guides you to the right path.  Me, I like to take a more direct approach that can be intimidating and irritating and not humble at all.  I have struggled with this all my life.  I like to be right.  I want you to believe that I am right and most of all I want you to do it my way!  This is not to say that I am not without compassion.  I am more like the bull in the china shop.

I have been having a difficult time getting back to my routine.  I am restless and at loose ends.  This is a difficult time of year for my historically.  I struggle with depression and feelings of worthlessness.  I miss Michael more than I can say.  I feel that I am sitting in the pit. Then one of my sons sent this to me:

God found Gideon in a hole.  He found Joseph in prison.  He found Daniel in a lion's den.  He has a curious habit of showing up in the midst of trouble, not the absence. Where the world sees failure, God sees future.  Next time you feel unqualified to be used by God remember this. He tends to recruit from the pit, not the pedestal.

Today Father Michael with his wonderful Irish brogue gave the homily.  He reminded us that we can't wait to the end to get ready for eternal life.  We mustn't think that we are insured because we go to Mass.  We must humble ourselves and be like little children.  We must do all things with humility and in preparation for eternal life.

Lord, here I am,
in the pit.
Help me to trust that You will
lift me up.  Lift me up and use me,
an empty vessel to do Your will,
NOT mine.

~Cindy

Being a Saint...

"Beware not to disturb yourself, nor to be irritated on account of the defects of others,  for it would be folly, because you saw a man throw himself into a pit, to throw yourself into another." ~St. Bonaventure

Pope Francis has been talking about how to become a Saint.  One of the things he says is that we should not talk about others.  You know Gossip!  He also has talked about gossip among our own Church members.  He states that this is a great sin.

I am guilty.  Guilty not only of talking about others, but of listening to negative things about others.  I was discussing this with my sister.  One point that she made was, "Well, then what would we talk about?  It is so much easier to point out the negative in our family, friends and others.  Looking for the good is harder."  I have to agree.  It is so much easier to find fault.  I think we do this so that we can feel better about ourselves.  That is part of the struggle.

Instead we should be looking for the good in everyone and in our commonality.  I know that I struggle with judging others and being irritated is so easy.  If I looked at others with the compassion that I ask Our Lord to look at me how much more peaceful would we all be?

Another conversation that I have frequently is; when persecution comes will I be able to stand up for my Faith.  I usually answer that I hope so. The question remains then, if I can not be compassionate and stop talking about others how will I find the courage to stand up for my Faith?

Lord, I believe.
Help me in my unbelief.

Give me the Grace to be compassionate.
To place myself in other's shoes.

Lord put on lock on my lips when
I speak ill of others.

~Cindy

An Anniversary and a Peach Cake

"In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone." St. John of the Cross


Facebook reminded me that on  25 August of 2013 I had posted the picture to the left.  It is a Peach Cake that I made for our Anniversary that year.

At the time we knew that we had little time together and each day was a cause for celebration.  I made a peach cake because at that time Michael craved peaches.  I think that we bought out several grocery stores just to keep our own supply plentiful.

This year I spent what would have been our 25th Wedding Anniversary with my parents.  I made a peach cake in Michael's memory and as we ate it that evening we remembered Michael.  We celebrated his life once again.

In the evening of Michael's life he need not worry, as he showed so much love.  He is missed and remembered by many.  As for me I will miss him until we are together again.

Lord,
You give us the gift of memory,
to remember our loved ones.
To celebrate their lives.

Help me as I continue to move forward,
To carry His memory with me.
In the evening of my life, 
I pray that I have sufficient love on which 
to be judge.

~Cindy

Enough Lord...

"Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, or even at their difficulty, as at the love with which we do them."

St. Therese of Lisieux

Elijah went a day’s journey into the desert, until he came to a boom tree and sat beneath it.  He prayed for death, saying: “This is enough, O Lord! Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” 1 Kings

I have felt like Elijah and told the Lord that I had had enough.  I couldn’t go on.  Just let me die.  The Lord sent an angel to Elijah to feed him and bring him water three times.  After this Elijah was able to walk out of the desert.  It took him forty days and forty nights but he was able to go on and complete the mission that God had given him.

God provides me with food and drink and He has even sent angels though I am sure that I have not recognized all of them. The food He provides is the Body of His Son.  The drink is the Most Precious Blood of His Son.  He waits every so patiently for me to come to the table and have my fill.  For it is there that my strength truly is…As for angels He sends family and friends to help me on my journey.  They strengthen me for the challenges in my way to complete the Mission that God has given me.

This new mission is a difficult one for sure and yet at the most unexpected times God shows me quite clearly that I am on the path.  He reminds me that it is usually the small things that make the most difference.  An example was when talking to my son about the status of his life.  I asked him if he ever thought of going to church and laying it all out to God and letting God give him support and a solution.  A couple of hours later my son texted me. He asked if he could go to Mass with me.  We did go to Mass together.  After Mass he asked me if I was surprised.  My response was, “God doesn’t surprise me much these days.  I have found if I do what He wants I am so much happier.”

Lord, Cindy here;

Thank you for prodding me to extend the invitation to Mass.

Thank you for the angels that you send to me.

Thank you for the food and drink that you give me.

~Cindy

On The Road

St. Andrew's Catholic Church Murphysboro, IL

I can't believe that I have been on the road for a month and a half.  It has been interesting each Sunday to go to a different church.  Some are friendly and some not so much.  Some are big and some are small.

As I move about I have been also going to cemeteries and churches that my family has attended in the past.  Sadly if there is not a service the church has been locked in all cases.

I stayed in a campground in Wisconsin that had a small chapel.  In the morning when it was quiet and most were still abed I could go there and pray my Rosary.  I almost enjoyed that as much as praying the Rosary under the towering pines in Yellowstone National Park.

There have been times when I have felt Michael with me and missed him tremendously or was doing something that I know he would have loved and felt tears gather in my eyes.

The trip has not been without some tense moments.  I am dealing with a fuel leak and so wish Michael was here to take care of it.  But he isn't.  Though I am not afraid or upset so he must be watching and keeping me calm.

My prayer partner and I are back on schedule and that feels great.  Starting the day praying the Rosary with her and ending each day with our night prayers puts the day in brackets.  Each day is offered up to God.  Each day I ask for His watchful care.  Each day I give thanks for all He does for me.

Lord, I am so grateful.
You have given me the means to take this trip.
You have watched over me and Cynthia every step of the way.
You keep us safe.

Help us to continue under You watchful eye.

Praying in Different Places

I will lift my eyes to the mountains;

From where shall my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121

Since I am on the road, I have had the opportunity to go to Mass in different places. It can be disconcerting when you don't know who is the priest because the Deacons wear a Roman Collar and full vestments. The Gloria is sung differently, or they sing everything!

I must admit that my favorite prayer place was Yelłowstone. Up in the mountains surrounded by pine trees in the brisk morning air praying my Rosary while sitting at the picnic table. Occasionally a buffalo would be grazing across from me and the birds and squirrels were competing for loudest animal.

While driving through the Badlands I was reminded that the last time I was here Michael was with me.  It helps to close the circle to be back to places we enjoyed.

The next stage of this trip will be new territory. Yet the constant in all this is my prayer life. The schedule may be different, but the day starts with a Rosary and the day ends with my night prayers.

I am truly blessed to be able to enjoy this kind of freedom.

Lord, I ask that you continue to watch over me & Cynthia.

Be with us as the miles slip under our wheels.

Open our eyes to the beauty of your creation.

Help us to be kind to our fellow travelers.

~Cindy