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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Did You Wonder Where I Was?

Beware not to disturb yourself, nor to be irritated on account of the defects of others, for it would be folly, because you saw a man throw himself into a pit, to throw yourself into another.
St. Bonaventure

Yes, I am late.  It was the Second Sunday of Advent and now it is Tuesday of that week.  My head has been spinning of late.   For some unknown reason I keep having a memory of an event in the Bahamas creep into my head.

It was around this time of year and the weather had been just awful.  It was so windy that we were tucked in a cove for over a week with steady wind around 40 knots with higher gusts.  We were safe, and our wind generator was making so much energy that we had to divert power! But we were getting a little stir crazy on the boat.  Finally we decided to launch the dinghy and go ashore for a walk.

As we climbed the bluff we could hear the waves crashing on the beach.  It was incredibly loud and as we approached the top we started to get sprayed.  The waves were huge, the beach was all but obliterated by them.  In fact they were crashing on the top of the bluff.  It was a sight to behold.  As we were standing there on occasion we would get glimpses of the beach and the amount of trash was unfathomable.

We returned in a couple of days after things had calmed down to go shelling.  There among the trash of broken and twisted items lay an unbroken light bulb.  I was amazed that it had made it unscathed to lay there reflecting the sun.

I feel like I am caught up in huge waves.  Being tossed about like so much trash, deposited on the beach only to be pulled back out to sea for more tossing about in the water.  I am distracted by others behaviors and find that once again my sin of judging is front and center.

I so want to be filled with anticipation and joy at the coming of Our Lord's Nativity, but there is this uneasiness that floats over me.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  I miss Michael!  I know it will pass as will the season.  But I don't just want it to pass unnoticed or unacknowledged, I want to feel it all.  The longing, the anticipation, the sadness, and the Hope.

Help me to be like that light bulb.
No matter how tossed about I am or how bruised and battered.
Let me rest on the beach and reflect the light of Your Son.


1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. I am always amazed at the depth in which you write. I love you and yes I miss Michael too.