You Send What We Need

Lord you know how hard yesterday was. It was long and difficult and full of speed bumps that disheartened us.  But it was also full of Mercies and Friendship.

I found this prayer and it summed it up.

Prayer for All Who Carry Their Cross

Oh my God, I thank you for this cross you have allowed me to carry.

Please give me the strength and faith to perservere so that I may bring glory to your name

while withstanding the burden of its weight.

Thank you for offering me a share in your suffering.  

I know that you have always been, are now, and ever will be,

at my side every step of the way.

Thank you also for every "Simon" that you have sent to help me bear this cross.

I have prayed so often that this thorn in my flesh would be removed,

but I trust that your grace is sufficient.  

Change my heart's troubled cry of,

"How long, O Lord",

into words of trust:

"However long, O Lord."

May I seek only to do your will and to unite my sufferings with your passion.

Help me to not get lost in my own self concerns, but may I find in these trials

a way to greater virtue, 

a call to prayer and a path to trust in you alone.

Permit me not to waste my pain,

but to make of these struggles a sacrificial offering for others.

Lord, when I am weary and I fall,

exhausted under the weight of this cross,

please give me the courage to press on as you did.

Lord Jesus, I embrace with love my cross,

as a share in your own.

By your grace, may I carry it all the way to the vision of your glory.

I abandon myself totally to your will.

Christ Jesus, I trust in you.

Amen

Pedro de la Cruz 2012

To all the "Simons" in my life.

Thank you!

~Cindy

The Night

We had a hard night Lord.  Anxiety covered us like a dark cloud and we shivered in our fear.  We couldn't lay in the bed and be comforted.

We sat in the living room with the fireplace going, he in his recliner covered with his afghan and I in a chair drawn close to him.  We sat in the glow of the fire and I rubbed his back.  Fear was in the room. We had no words to say, no comfort to give, and then he asked, "Can we pray the Rosary together?"

So we sat in the night with our Rosaries in hand and prayed the ancient words together.  We offered up our fear and asked that you take it or help us carry it.  We are unable to do this alone.  Finally he said he was able to lay back in bed.

We are bound together with you, Lord.  We are nothing without you, Lord.  Help us in our fear.

~Cindy

The Stone in My Heart

Lord, there is a stone in my heart.  It feels so heavy today.  It is more like the boulders that dot the landscape.

Then there is the young girl, who looked to be in her late twenties in the doctor's office.  She was almost running as she left.  The tears were streaming down her face and her mother followed behind looking stunned.  My heart went out to them and I asked you to show Your Merciful Face.  To fold them in Your Arms.  To comfort them.

I ask you to comfort us as we struggle with this cross you have given to us.  Help us Lord to keep getting up when we stumble.  Help us as we stand empty before You, with nothing more to offer.

Help me to remember that tears are prayer also.

Lord, there is a stone in my heart.

~Cindy

Sitting in the Shadow of Death

We are all sitting in the shadow of death, but of late I am more aware of just how transient our time in this world is.  We complain about our lives and bemoan perceived hurts.  We argue over the mundane and make mountains out of mole hills.

Yesterday as I sat watching blood flow into the veins of my husband who is courageously battling cancer I sat in the shadow of death and kept watch.

 The nurses encourage you to stay or leave as you desire, but I can't bring myself to leave him and do the mundane daily tasks that await me at home.  I don't know how much longer we have together and every moment is precious.  So I sit and watch the blood flow and him sleep and listen in to conversations on the other side of the curtain.  I read my Divine Office, pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and pray the Rosary.  I feel a sense of peace as I call on heaven to help us.

I no longer pray for a miracle, though I would gladly take one.  I pray that we have courage and grace to accept the Will of God.  I pray that we can be a witness to others of God's great mercy.

So today as I picked up my prayers I was drawn to these parts of the Morning Prayer.

Responsory
At daybreak, be merciful to me.– At daybreak, be merciful to me.
Make known to me the path that I must walk.– Be merciful to me.

Luke 1:78-79
In the tender compassion of our God 
the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace.  

~Cindy 

The Tale of Two Rosaries

How blessed I am to have a prayer partner.  Someone that on a daily basis comes together with me across the miles to pray the rosary every morning and to close the day with me in prayer.

How blessed I am that she came with her husband to visit us.  We were ready for a visit.  A time to feel normal, to laugh and for a little while forget that we have a large cross to carry.  Their visit made it lighter.

So of course we had to look at our Rosaries.  Independently of each other we had purchased Rosaries from the same vendor in Oklahoma that hand-makes lovely stone Rosaries.  We had a good laugh about that and how great minds think alike.

Our Rosaries

We were able to talk about how God lifts us up and gives just what we need in times of trouble.  We talked of God's Grace in our lives and how he continues to weave the tapestry of our lives and expose the true heart of each of us.

We talked of the goodness of God in his continuing healing of Michael's heart and how courageous he is in the face of this cancer that is stealing him from us, but guiding him to a reward that we can only imagine.

We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we ate, we celebrated that fact God had placed us in each other's lives.

As I struggle with my own sorrow I was reminded of words by Saint Therese of Lisieux.

~ Cindy

Feast of All Souls

November my month!  I love this month not only because it is my birth month but because of the way it starts.

First the Solemnity of all Saints and then All Souls Day.  Today we remember all who have gone before us and ask Our Lord to shine His perpetual light on them.

Just a few of the souls I especially remember today and every day.

John & Helen Bonham
George & Sarah Smith
Larry Allen Paddock
David Wayne Lawson
John Frank Bonham
James Samuel Paddock

and the Poor Souls in Purgetory

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen

~Cindy

Solemnity - All Saints Day

I love this Holy Day of Obligation.  I think about all the Saints in Heaven with God singing His praises and hopefully putting in a small good word for me.

Lately I have been feeling small and empty.  I am distracted in my prayers.  There is no comfort to be found and yet, I continue to pray.  Every saint that I have ever read about has felt empty and small and distracted.  Some for years or decades.  Yet, they continued to pray.

In case you may be wondering, I know that I am NO saint.  Not yet anyway!  I hope to be one.  I long to be one.  I pray to be one.  So I look to my go to Saints for guidance.

St Therese the Little Flower - a simple all encompassing love was her's.  She offered herself as an empty vessel to the good God.  She saw Jesus' arms as elevators to Heaven and longed to throw herself into them.

St Jude - Impossible Cases. That's me all over.  You have gotten me through some tough stuff.

St Anthony of Padua - Finder of lost articles.  You not only have found things I have lost, you helped me find me!

The Blessed Mother - My mother in Heaven.  I put my trust in your continued love in full knowledge that you will lead me to your Son.

On this Solemnity of All Saints I am reminded:

Ephesians 2:8-9:

 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.